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aliljaded 53F
23949 posts
10/10/2021 7:49 am
Getting to know her…

(Written from M/Dom f/sub pov… YMMV(your mileage may vary…)
Unfortunately, I am writing again to the people that just don’t seem to get it yet… I chose to simplify much of this and I know there will be pitchforks raised, but I wrote it mostly for the people that are trying to learn and are continuously cockblocked by their own missteps.

All flavors of the right side of the slash are people. People with memories, experiences, desires, goals, and standards. There are many more common traits, but for the sake of this lesson, we will just address those in sets. Coincidentally, each set sort of builds on the last, and I will shed light on that as well…

Part 1: Who she is…

As humans being, we are the summary of our past. So, you really should make an effort to know what she has experienced up to this point, but remember that each experience she relates to you was from a time when you were not in her life, so she will be telling you what she did with other people if you start getting upset about this, or already know all you need to know about her just from reading her fetish list, jump immediately to Part 3. (go ahead, go!) Those of you still reading, smart lads. You want to know about the people in her life before… learn what they did right (ride their successes) learn what they did wrong… (she is not with them anymore… don’t repeat their mistakes). Listen (or read between the lines) for what happened, why they liked or disliked it, and how it made them feel… the “who” is not important unless there was abuse involved… “When will we” is never a question to ask… “are we there yet?” is not cute in a Dom. Take the time to know her past, at the pace SHE is willing to share, learn her issues and her triggers, memorize the path. Because at some point you will be moving on instinct, and missteps can not only end a scene early, they can also destroy trust. (potentially ending relationships)

Part 2: What she wants…

Some people jump to the assumption that a /sub only wants to please their D/… if that is you… Congratulations! jump to Part 3 (it’s just down there… Below a few words you won’t remember anyhow). Again, those still reading… Good for you! Your knuckles don’t drag. Desires and Goals are not something I can speak of with total accuracy simply because every sub is a different person. Their desires are equally diverse. Yes, there are some generalizations. Yes, there are levels of depth. YES, there are layers… like an onion.. or Parfait… (bonus points for getting the reference) But the important thing is that YOU take the time to get that knowledge. It matters to her that you have her desires in mind. Desires are right now… present tense. But, Goals… Goals are another beast entirely, goals are the future. Goals are what relationships are built on, or not… this is why it’s important to find out… Is she wanting LTR?, permanence?, Family?, Marriage?, A farm in Nebraska with well-trained ponies and dogs? (good luck getting that image out of your head now) The important thing is to know how compatible your mutual goals are and make sure you are on the same page… is this just a “…thing” or is it a “Thing” or is it a “THING!!!” Be on the same page or you will look like an ass.

Part 3: What she will accept…

What she will accept is based on her Standards:

Her sense of self-worth,
How she feels her needs and desires will be met,
how what you offer compares to what she wants,
all play a huge part in this.

If you jumped directly from Part 1, the only standard that will matter is her self-worth, if you don’t care enough to even know her history, she knows it, and she may still be willing to do the crapshoot and just hope it will be different this time… (…the last 6 must have been bad luck)

If you jumped from Part 2, she will recognize you as a player… some skills and some decent potential for fun, her knowing that you at least have some of what makes her tick. you care enough to know your way around her body and/or problems.. but you are not a candidate for anything deep.

And Last, you read everything, you asked all the questions, got all the answers…

…or did you?

then reality kicks in… (interlude)

This is not me telling you a magic kinky formulae… I just described the VANILLA courtship ritual. If you have followed what I laid out 9/10 times you would have realized partway through Part 1 OR 2, that the of you may not be right for each other… and depending on the mutual goals in Part 2 it may not matter… But If you are half the leader you claim to be, YOU should be pointing out where the problems are, what the issue is, and don’t be a douche and gloss them over just to get your kink on.

Part 3b: …back to standards.

Let's be realistic, we all have different tastes, interests, and motivations. A sub will choose a mate that fits what she feels she wants to be coupled with what she feels she deserves. If you have taken the time… scratch that… if you invested the time to get to know her to a level where you are almost finishing each other's thoughts… then a wonderful thing has happened, you have captured her mind. That is the best possible scenario. I wish the of you much kinky-fuckery and please invite me to the wedding.

Always remember. Until she chooses you and lets you into her heart, mind, and soul… you are a visitor in her life. If you assume authority over her or treat her with disrespect. You look foolish and you will not be invited to stay.…

Grymjahk~


"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”


gafferh 68M
308 posts
10/11/2021 4:26 am

Very interesting piece... thank you


drmgirl622 68F  
25884 posts
10/10/2021 8:08 am

One that gets to know me will always have my attention.


aliljaded 53F
8847 posts
10/10/2021 7:53 am

This piece is such a truthful and on-the-money piece. A long read. But, definitely worth the time.

"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”



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