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Blogs > aliljaded > It's All Relevant |
Warning: Soapbox Ranting/Rambling Ahead ...... Warning: Soapbox Ranting/Rambling Ahead - read on or skedaddle, biscuits are definitely required and play nice. Calling a submissive fake because they questioned an instruction is unadulterated bullshit at best and cruel manipulation at worst. Respectfully questioning an instruction/order because it is/was unclear, unsafe, not possible, not pre-negotiated/agreed to, or not consensual is exactly the right thing to do and is what a submissive should do in the event of any of the above occurring. It is responsible, productive, and the clever thing to do under dodgy circumstances - no matter what flavor of BDSM governance one adheres to. Because here’s the thing:- blind compliance in the event of unclear parameters, lack of negotiation, and/or uncertain consent is not submission. Submitting is not about being bullied, coerced, or manipulated by a person or situation. Dominating is not about bullying, coercing, or manipulating a person or situation We know this. We know that BDSM does not stand for *bully" *damage* *scar* *maim* … Btw - BDSM stands for bondage discipline/dominance sadism/submission masochism - in case your dictionary goblin is on a tea break. Neither BDSM nor d/s is about bullying or being bullied/coercing or being coerced/manipulation or being manipulated. (if you think that it is about any of those things, I’m afraid you’ve overshot the runway and landed in a swamp called Abuse - sorry, no biscuits for you - please proceed straight back to ‘nillaville) Respect, consent, trust, and safety are absolutely everything in d/s. So why then, is it so common to hear people saying stupid shit like “submissives must always obey, no matter what” or “a true submissive would never question an order - they just trust their dominant”. Trust goes both ways - dominants must be able to trust their sub to ask for clarity if they don’t understand and safeword if there is danger or withdrawal of consent. And a submissive must be able to trust that their dom will listen and respect their call. Unfortunately, the whole blind obedience thing seems to be getting way too much airplay and folks don’t seem to understand that it’s fine as fantasy but not How Things Actually Work. And sadly, people are getting hurt. Sometimes repeatedly because they don’t understand the basics of healthy power exchange and end up just being abused by twatwombles. In addition, recognizing that one is being bullied/manipulated and being able to remedy the situation is not necessarily as simple or easy as explaining one’s position and poof! problem solved. Often there are many other factors at play - sometimes really complicated ones. Regardless, as the submissive in a d/s engagement/dynamic, one does have certain responsibilities, one of which is to safeword or otherwise call it if the situation warrants it. For example: if and when an instruction is unclear/dangerous/not previously agreed to or not consensual. Blind obedience under such conditions puts both parties at extreme risk. In other words, it is the submissive’s responsibility to make sure that they fully understand and enthusiastically consent to whatever is being asked of them. And if they don’t, it is their job to speak up - either to ask for clarity or to pull the plug. Anything less than full understanding and educated, enthusiastic, ongoing consent is not submission or power exchange. It may be helpful to keep the following in mind: Compliance, obedience, and expectations thereof are not standard issue, one-size-fits-all applicable to every d/s dynamic/experience kind of thing. Like kinks, hard/soft limits, and other matters relevant to power exchange/kink-based relationships, they must be discussed, negotiated, and agreed to before engaging. Until all the details have been hammered out and agreed to by all parties, the submissive party is not required to obey or comply with any instruction from the dominant party. And once all negotiations are complete and agreed to - by all parties - the submissive party still retains the right to ask as many questions as are necessary to ensure full understanding and full consent. Personal responsibility, logic, manners, and basic decency do not get chucked out the window just because one has a sticker that says “hi my name’s Candy and I’ll be your submissive for the evening” or one gets off on being told what to do. These aspects of human inter-personal relating actually become exponentially more important - not least of all because of the danger to life and limb. So if a dominant gets all bent out of shape and takes the “you’re not a real sub” route when you don’t immediately drop to your knees, strip and/or beg to polish their knob because it’s your first meeting and communication is apparently an abandoned city south of “we haven’t even bloody discussed kinks, limits, and expectations let alone negotiated whether kneeling is actually A Thing or not” - run the fuck away as fast as your legs will carry you - do not walk - do not stop to say “kthxbai” and for the love of fuck, do not think for one moment that you are a fake sub. You’re not. You’re a silly sub for not sorting that shit out long before agreeing to meet but you are one hundred percent a real live (emphasis on the live) submissive. Submissive is who you are. Submission is something you offer to the person/people of your choosing under the terms and conditions of your choosing. Your identity as a submissive is not open to debate, criticism, or judgment by anyone. Ever. So, ask the questions - ask all the fucking questions necessary to ensure the well-being, understanding, and consent of everyone involved. Respectfully, firmly and if needs be, repeatedly. That is your right and responsibility as the submissive. Thank you for reading. Be well - be kind and play safe. And remember: submission - like dominance, is a gift. And gifts come with responsibilities. ~itsshinycollectordestinyworld "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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As always, good sensible information fr the new folks and a good reminder for those that have been around a bit. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Well said, A! I'm sending a few would-be subs your way. They could learn a thing or two from you, my Dear......... "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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You most welcome 🙏.. Feel free to browse through my archive. I’m sure there is more you’ll find educational and entertaining. 😊Welcome to the blogs. 🌼 "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Well said, A! I'm sending a few would-be subs your way. They could learn a thing or two from you, my Dear.........
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I love a good hunt for meat. 1211774
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Great piece, until they started talking about "the gift thing"! When will that ever die out?? it is like the "not being a "real sub", that does not die out, either!! MY submission is not "A gift" It is in my nature, my core to be submissive, to the one person, who digs me, Not to any geezer with his dick in his hand...."dominance"... I AM submissive, it is not a role, i play, as long as i am horny, When i get a gift, from someone, i can decide what to do with that gift, if i find it ugly, i can throw it out! Thát is my responsibility, as soon as you give your "gift" you have no rights on it anymore. You cant ask it back. Stop the gift bullshit! romantic nonsense! Just my thoughts!
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10/23/2021 10:22 am |
All good points to remember !
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Great post. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Slave rick
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10/23/2021 4:28 am |
There is no such thing as thoughtless submission. There is just deliberately ignored or the preferably unheard. Your submission is not to another person, thing or fetish . . It is to the demons in your own soul. Liberate yourself and choose your partners carefully.
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I love the directness of this piece. So informative and truthful. As always, take what you need and leave the rest. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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