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softrayne 56F
1876 posts
10/14/2021 6:36 pm

Last Read:
2/18/2022 7:20 pm

It Takes Two


*slowlylearningrayne*

softrayne 56F
3088 posts
10/14/2021 6:37 pm

For the longest time, when things didn’t work out between a potential Dominant and myself, I laid all the blame firmly on my own shoulders. I did this wrong. I did that wrong. I said things I shouldn’t have. I didn’t say things I should have. I was a brat. I was too submissive. I ran when I should’ve walked, and walked when I should’ve stood still. I was too much. Or not enough. Whatever the reason, it was all my fault that things didn’t work out, obviously, so I’m a bad person. I spent so much time trying to prove to them that I was worthy of their Dominance, that there was no space left for them to prove themselves worthy of my submission.

But you know what I’m slowly starting to realize? I wasn’t acting (or acting out) in a vacuum. What about what he did wrong? What about what he said? Or didn’t say? What about his mis-steps? I wonder if he thinks about what he could have done differently? Dominants’ are human, they make mistakes. I wonder sometimes, if he ever thinks about me, and wonders…”what if?” If I’m ever someone’s…….”one that got away”?

But there is still that ONE. That One whose loss cuts a little deeper than the others. And God help me, if he stood before me, and held out his hand and said “Come”, I don’t know if I would have the strength to say no. He is not that delicious piece of chocolate cake, that you want to devour-he’s the whole fucking bakery. Even though you know, you KNOW that it’s not healthy, but it just tastes so fucking good. So while I have come to terms with the end of the other relationships. He haunts me.

I can’t move forward, if I’m constantly looking back. Perhaps a quick glance over my shoulder every now and again won’t hurt?


bimom4taboo 53F
1976 posts
10/14/2021 6:46 pm

it's ok to look back. but never live in the past. you have learn a lot from it. so smile and say where's my next one coming from?


softrayne replies on 10/14/2021 6:56 pm:
Hello bimom, thanks for dropping some wisdom! "Where's my next one coming from?" I like it!!!

Greybrow 63M
625 posts
10/14/2021 7:07 pm

It does take two to make any relationship work. And it usually takes two when it falters.
It is good to look back as long as you are learning from looking back and not going back. Don't live in the past use the knowledge of the past to help form your future


softrayne replies on 10/14/2021 7:12 pm:
Hi Grey, thank you for your comment. I really am trying to learn from the mistakes I made in the past. It just makes me a bit wistful at times though, that someone else is going to benefit, from the mistakes I made with him.

Artschoolgrad 46M
8434 posts
10/14/2021 7:26 pm

look back but always keep moving forward!


softrayne replies on 10/14/2021 7:51 pm:
*giggles* I think you over estimate my co-ordination.

softrayne replies on 10/14/2021 8:04 pm:
coordination, that is

marshamay 35F
5934 posts
10/14/2021 7:56 pm

Just curious, did you find any answers to your questions?


softrayne replies on 10/14/2021 8:07 pm:
Hi marsha, thank you for stopping in and commenting, but I'm afraid I need a bit more clarification. Which questions specifically were you referring to?

FabianoTirrozi 46M
99 posts
10/14/2021 8:29 pm

Yes, Softrayne, the past ties are often difficult to be untied....But time will heal you I promise it. Just be patient and see in front of you where your imagination and constant desires lead you to...


alwaysassertive 63M

10/14/2021 9:19 pm

One man will make you forget about another. Trust me. To forget someone. You need to find someone else. There's someone that will give you a lot more than this guy ever did. I don't think this man was able to appreciate what he had available to him. You deserve better, and you're worth more. Try to remember that.


jenny14 75T  
90121 posts
10/14/2021 10:17 pm

rayne

Exactly! It is very rarely just one person's fault but, we can still learn form the past...



A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw

Jenny


aliljaded 53F
8847 posts
10/15/2021 1:04 am

I have someone that I hold in the same regard as you. and it sucks. After all these years, I'm still at a loss as to what I could have done differently. I read something a few months back that was a game-changer. It was about closure:

"Closure" is a joke. The only apology you need is the one you owe yourself for staying as long as you did. The only conversation you need to have, and the only person you need to see again, is with the person in the mirror. Look at yourself and say, "You know what, I screwed up. But I am worth far more than that!"
THAT's your closure.
You can't keep dancing with the devil and wonder why you're still in hell.

I hope this helped my friend, and please know you're not alone. xx

"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”


DancingDom 74M
22475 posts
10/15/2021 3:31 am

If I ever think I did not make mistakes in evaluating a relationship or anything in life, I am only fooling myself. And, if I ever think I am totally at fault in a failed relationship, i am fooling myself. It take two to Tango and you have to pay attention to the music. We sometimes may be dancing together, but we are not always hearing to the same song.

"One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"


drmgirl622 68F  
25880 posts
10/15/2021 8:04 am

That "One" always stays tucked into a corner of my heart. I know, for me, I have to move forward because if not I become stagnant. To me becoming that way is literally a fate worse than death. I think all hearts are made of elastic to stretch or compress as the need arises.


marshamay 35F
5934 posts
10/15/2021 9:33 am

    Quoting marshamay:
    Just curious, did you find any answers to your questions?
I am sorry, i should have worded that differently. It seems a problem i have
lately. I meant that you seemed to be questioning yourself and your actions,
then the others. That's another problem i had, but i think i have stopped doing
so.


ExNameForUse 53F
5608 posts
10/15/2021 10:10 am

It surely takes two, it always does. And each of the two has its own truth. But maybe the most important thing is that you know you have been true to yourself while it lasted, that you didn't cheat, deceit, fake anything. Holding tight for my past still and not being able to move on yet, I tend to believe, that one day, I shall be able to forgive myself for all the things I think I did wrong, or words spoken I believe I should have kept for myself and stop blaming me for not being good enough. To forgive me because I know I did the best of me, my utmost at that time, the best I knew. It is not easy to get there, but I believe it is the only way - to forgive yourself for not being as perfect as you now, with the distance, believe you could have been. Because we have been the best we knew to be at that time. And that's all that counts.


InderioMinx 54F  
19798 posts
10/16/2021 6:16 pm

"Perhaps a quick glance over my shoulder every now and again won’t hurt?"

Yes, it will *hurt*. If you are still looking back, you are taking time and attention from the now. That is where you need to focus ~ the here and now.

You hit on a very good point, was he worthy of your submission? Well, was he? Did you consider that or were you too focused on what you were doing to be *it* for him? Something to consider. Also, did he guide you? Or leave you in that vacuum to figure it out alone? ... I almost went on a tangent here, but I tried to not hijack your post.

Ars longa, vita brevis - Art is long, life is short


ExNameForUse 53F
5608 posts
10/17/2021 9:20 am

    Quoting InderioMinx:
    "Perhaps a quick glance over my shoulder every now and again won’t hurt?"

    Yes, it will *hurt*. If you are still looking back, you are taking time and attention from the now. That is where you need to focus ~ the here and now.

    You hit on a very good point, was he worthy of your submission? Well, was he? Did you consider that or were you too focused on what you were doing to be *it* for him? Something to consider. Also, did he guide you? Or leave you in that vacuum to figure it out alone? ... I almost went on a tangent here, but I tried to not hijack your post.
I wish I have read these observations a year ago... but it does strike into the center today as well. Great questions to be considered...


MsJacqueline2 73M/74F
81 posts
10/24/2021 11:09 am

Love your post!


ridermantel 68M

11/6/2021 6:38 pm

Like someone once said. Stop looking back. Try looking forward. Maybe you will find what once was ahead of you.


NoNonsense_Dom 70M  
1517 posts
2/12/2022 2:00 pm

Dear Rayne, it has been a while since I last called in to read your blog, and for that I do apologise.

YOU like a lot of others crave so much for that complete dynamic, where you actually get to physically serve and please a dominant, and I understand that. For you not being a newbie but someone who lost their dominant, it can be extremely frustrating. But I have also noticed that a lot of dominants have no real idea of what they want, and so run hot and cold during the get to know process. They build the sub's hopes of 'finally', but then they for whatever reason, then run cold. I have been looking for that sub for a few years now, and have found a lot of them do the same. My biggest gripe is that they tend to want to push, to get to the real time dynamic. Now for me, that is a problem, because there are very few in Australia take my fancy, and for the ones from overseas, it is a huge decision to make to relocate to the other side of the world, and this usually (99.99 ends up being too much for them.

All I can say to you, is what I say to myself, be yourself and keep looking. I refuse to accept that there is not someone there that will light that spark and find the idea of changing the whole of their life an adventure.



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