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rosaenaluin 65F
9923 posts
9/26/2021 11:54 pm
Munches,


So, the munches in Holland are getting all starting up, again.
Since the governement has decided we all need that horror of a covid pass......

Anyway, reading about some munches, i go and check who is going, their age, their profiles, and all that....

It is really a very sad lot, for me, because ALL talk in their profiles, about "DOING SM"

In not óne profile, did i read anything about the connection, first.
NOT ONE!

It makes me feel soo very sad, so going to munches, for me is totally useless.

I mean, alright, making friends, is nice, but i am not on those sites to make friends,
that is maybe my problem, too...
My approach is too focussed on finding that one man, not so much on socialising, at all.

i am on those sites to find a Master.
Having friends is "nice", but as the people who go to those munches, most are only interested in "the playing" of the SM game.

So i have not much in common with them.
Their conversation is totally focussed on the tools and the play time.

While my orientation is more focussed on the connection, the person, first.
Their focus is on the play- act, the sexual act....
I mean, sure, nice! great!
If that is what you want and need, too....

It is not what i want and what makes me happy, is fulfilling to me.

In my eyes, they are role playing, being a dominant, or a submissive...
Just for the sexual release of hormons, brain chemicals.... and body fluids.

Just interested in the sm part, not in the connection, not the depth of the contact, the deep felt trust, the really knowing each other, really being safe, with each other.
reciprocal.

( Thatis why most of those contacts, oh, párdon me, those 'd/s 'relations'...have no substance, they brake up, very fast, at the first misunderstanding) and they just jump onto someone else, again and again...)
I see that happen, all the time, on fet.

What i see, is they are only interested in the physcial discharge of sexual energy, fantasies...
To me, that is the world, upside down.

Maybe, just maybe that can grow into something with more depth....
But their focus is first and formost on the body, sexuality, physical, fantasies.
Not The Connection, AT ALL.

To me, their first connection is physical, not mental.
Their interest in you, as a person, is very superficial, it is a sort of small talk, to get access to the body cavities....

That makes it very precarious as a base for something more, then just the play act.
There is no fundament, at all.

That is also my experience with the 'dominants' i did meet, so far.

So, going to munches is useless, waste of energy, space and money..

I am left, feeling soo sad and soo lost.....
So, which roads are left open to me, to find that one man?

Or, there must be something wrong with my approach....?

What am i doing on sites like this?

Expect for the great blog writings, for the nice contacts with other women....... (and some men, too)
Wich is very important for me.

I did organise munches, myself, also on those munches, the folks there..... more swingers orientated, than anything remotely SM - D/s or M/s orientated.

I cant converse with them.
They are as alien to me, as talking to vanilla friends who talk about their relation problems, wich most of the time originate from lack of direction, the constant power struggle, between the partners...
As i see it.....

I could be, very much, wrong.....

rosaenaluin 65F
10842 posts
9/26/2021 11:55 pm

It is a nice day, today.


capecodoldman 64M

9/27/2021 12:50 am

been to a total of 1 munch...felt like I was back in high schoo
l !


steelcager 61M
1996 posts
9/27/2021 1:08 am

I realize there are single people looking for play, attached people looking for something extra they are not getting in their current lives, people wanting to experience something for the first time, and others that want a deep connection with a life long partner.

We need to find the person that will fit into our lives, some of the groups I mentioned will have more members to select from, and others quite less.

I looked at the munch schedule on fet, but I see the members planning to attend are already matched up with others, so I don't bother going to them.


jenny14 75T  
90125 posts
9/27/2021 1:51 am

rosa

I can only say we all must do what we think is best and YOU always adhere to your principles! That is what is MOST important


A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw

Jenny


Persephone2020 75F
57 posts
9/27/2021 2:46 am

It’s not only the desire for connection they lack, it’s the skill, the knowledge of who and what a Dom is,

I met a man for brunch, yesterday, who, from his profile, you’d think was a
the experienced “Warrior” he called himself.

Yet, this guy, didn’t even have the balls to get the waiter’s attention, for the check, or ask another waitress to find him when he (the waiter) abruptly disappeared).
How’s that for an alpha male? Almost Makes me wannabe a Dominatrix.


likesmatures 55M
4794 posts
9/27/2021 4:36 am

Well no offense but they are " munches"... meant to attract people normally not found in local groups.

I find it odd that you all talk shop at your munches..
Ours in kc are hush hush and your basically sitting around big tables in the back of a dennys type restraunt..

Not sure your set up in your area. But you might have better luck making sub friends and then going to events,local dungeons etc


HerJourney21 58F

9/27/2021 8:12 am

I've not been to any in my area mainly because it appears most are couples and I'm not into being a unicorn.


pac369 64F
12698 posts
9/27/2021 11:03 am

rosa I went to 1 blog years ago and was pretty uncomfortable as a single woman...

Since then I did research and wrote a blog about it. So... if I went to another one I think I would change my behavior and interact more. Because I felt like a deer in the headlights my first time.

Your scenario is different though. And I can only imagine how frustrating it is... Wish I had some advice for you...

~ Physical strength is measured by what we carry. Inner strength is measured by what we can bear. ~


rosaenaluin 65F
10842 posts
9/27/2021 11:17 am

cape,
Yo made me laugh! that is indeed, what i do encounter on all the munches i have been, well, maybe two were not as bad...


rosaenaluin 65F
10842 posts
9/27/2021 11:19 am

steelgager,
i agree, every one is entitled to get out of such a event as a munch, as they need or want, or dream of......

It is just not my scene, i did try very hard to fit in, but i am always very uncomfortable on such events.


rosaenaluin 65F
10842 posts
9/27/2021 11:23 am

Persephone,
Oh, i agree with you, totally.
I had men who did not even dare to speak up to me, but wispered.. did not meet my eye, in the conversation, were so very nervous!
Undecisive.

Not men, and for sure not the kind of man i am looking for.
When i dont "feel" his energy, i have this tendency to walk all over them, cant controle it!
It is not what i want!


rosaenaluin 65F
10842 posts
9/27/2021 11:31 am

fieryfriday,

then i must have been going to the wrong kind of munches.
Most are just in vanilla places; restaurants, cafes, we /they book a table, and every one just sits there, and talk.
But the talk is all about kinky play fun times.
I have been to munches, wich had room to play or give demos too.
And, there too, only kinky sex play talk.

I first want to socialise, with people, become friends, not discuss my sexual desires.. with a totall stranger.
I dont do pick up play.

Thank you, i am glad you had some real great contacts.


rosaenaluin 65F
10842 posts
9/27/2021 11:33 am

Thank you, likesmatures,
I did that too. ;-( same effect.


rosaenaluin 65F
10842 posts
9/27/2021 11:35 am

Herjourney,
Most i went to, the ratio men and women were somewhat equal.
The men were mostly very agressively "on the hunt".
And most of the women were giggling like teenagers....


rosaenaluin 65F
10842 posts
10/1/2021 11:01 am

Thank you, for your futher explaining how things worked for you.

I am since 2009 'active', have been to "play" partys, have been to all kind of munches, with and without the posibilitiy for play,
Leather workshops, you name it
I did contac the munch leaders everytime i went to such event.
i did talk with some people there.
I observe and iwatch and listen, taste the atmosphere... the energy...

I did not (yet?) found my gang, if they are even active at munches....
All i did meet, were folks who were all very much in a hurry and wanted to get down to it, right away

Or, when i steered the conversation to the more mental part, they all looked like i was talking russian/chinese.
When i said, it is not someting i DO, it is something I AM, they all fell silent, looked at me, as i am some sort of alien species, and started an other conversation.....

THey inmediately changed the topic to play/ tools/ getting horny/ orgasm (denial) or not, punishment/funishment games.
BORING.

I dont like public play, did it ones or twice, felt horrible.

I know, munches are surpose to be to meet and make friends, talk and enjoy yourself.
In Holland, some munches have the possibility to play too.
Most of the times, i did go on my own, later i also went with friends to such play partys.
The thing is, i am totally NOT interested in what others do to others.
I rather not watch.

It is not about the play to me, or to watch a scene.

The 'scene' is rather small, in Holland, everyone knows everyone, and almost everyone has, in some way of form "played" with each other, or know about who played with whom....

To me, that has a very incestieus ring to it.

My first munch was alright.
That organisation had to close the doors, of the event place, because some people thought the rules did not apply to them, that gave the organisation trouble with the neighbours, the police and the organisation they rented the place from...
End of it.

On Fet you can see, who is going or maybe going, you can read their profile text, see who they are friends with, read their writings, if they have any, look at their pictures...


rosaenaluin 65F
10842 posts
10/1/2021 11:21 am

I do have some "play" experience.
Some were bad, some were better......

The thing is, their totall focus was on the play, the scene, the toys. the "doing" sm.
with a body.
There was never any connection. except for the simular 'kinks'.
it was always very superficial.
Doing the actions.

Since sm/ kink has almost become mainstream, every Tom., Dick, and Harry, thinks he "knows" something about kinky porn, and think that makes them a dominant.
A lot of men, in the Dutch scene use sm as a way to - finally- get some sex, a lot of women too.
it is used as foreplay to sex.
Fine, Great! if that is what you want out of it....

They also most of the time, have no cleu about things like safety, stopwords, hard & soft limits, etc etc...
being compatible, or the need to negotiate.

That is not something they show in those socalled SM porn movies.

two bodys doing some kind of stuff with/ to each other.
There is no mental connection, not as far as i can see... or have experienced..



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