Let’s Talk Submissive Safety...
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Postad:9 november 2023 7:36 pm
Senast Uppdaterad:13 november 2023 4:43 am 11270 besök
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Walking the journey of a submissive can be one that is both difficult, and fraught with personal danger, but there are many ways to make that journey safer. Let’s talk about some of how YOU as a submissive, can minimize your risk while pursuing your kink journey…
DON’T GO IT ALONE!!
In isolation, you have no one to turn to for help. One of the single most disturbing types of asks I have gotten over the years has been from submissive people who find themselves in an unhealthy relationship with a partner they are living with, but have nowhere to go, and no one to support their leaving. Once you cease trusting someone’s intentions toward you, you need to have a place to bail out, and people who will support a healthy decision to get out, and start over. Without a backup plan, an abusive relationship can evolve unchecked, with the abuser able to feel like they have the run on their destructive behavior without accountability.
THERE IS SAFETY IN NUMBERS…
Once an abuser understands that you have support and that their behavior may lead them to trouble with the law, obliterate their reputation within a community of kink, or in any way become answerable for their actions, it becomes more complicated for an abuser to run the table on your limits and consent.
LEARN
How can learning keep you safe? You’re reading this post, aren’t you? If you take to heart some of what is laid out herein, will you not be safer? The more you know about the rules and etiquette surrounding kink, the less likely you are to be taken in by those who aren’t interested in pesky “safewords”, or other obvious signs you’re not speaking to someone who should be considered for your submission.
FIRST “IN REAL LIFE” MEETINGS
If you’re meeting a prospective dominant in real life for the first time, do it in a public place. A dominant who would be a good candidate for your submission will not try to steer you from meeting in a public place or push you towards doing things that would take you away from that public place.
TELL SOMEONE WHAT YOU’RE DOING
When meeting a prospective Dominant for the first time, tell someone you know and trust what you’re doing, and arrange to check in with them several times during your date so they know it is going well, and you are safe. If a prospective Dominant has a problem with this safe practice, do not meet them, or exit the date promptly when that is made known.
SCREENING CANDIDATES
One of the most important skills a submissive can hone is their ability to screen prospective Dominants. During this time you can ask a million questions about their views on life, philosophies in kink, experience, personal lives, or what kind of dynamic they would build with you, and their plan for carrying it out. This is a time to get to know and trust the person who you may ask to control multiple aspects of your life. You want to really KNOW this person. Nothing is more dangerous than an excited submissive who throws caution to the wind in this realm. Being a good screener is part of being a good, safe submissive.
SAFEWORDS
Never let a Dominant forbid you from keeping or using a safeword as a way of stopping anything that may prove beyond your limits within your dynamic. While some D/s couples choose to put them aside and respect a basic, “no”, or “stop” from their partners, the safeword is meant to be one of the few universally understood last vestiges of power a submissive holds within any power dynamic. Any dominant who limits or forbids you to keep one, and use one, is to be avoided. If you are being pushed past your limits without a way to make it stop, you are being abused.
Be A Smart and Safe Submissive
~JD@OneLittleKingdom
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15
kommentarer
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Our Story (A Poem)
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Postad:7 november 2023 5:55 am
Senast Uppdaterad:13 november 2023 11:14 am 10615 besök
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The bed at the center of it all–
the way you never felt like a stranger,
Instead like someone, I had forgotten, like
a part of myself I had dropped in some
distant city delivered
back to my door.
Our story,
a pipe dream in three parts–
My bedroom, the place where everything
came together, and the place where everything
fell apart.
There are still echoes of us
in the bed frame, the closet, and the drywall.
I keep your dignity on the bookshelf;
I figure you’ll come looking for it, eventually.
It always comes back
to here.
The only sanctuary I have ever known
still smells like you, sometimes.
just when I think I’ve gotten you
out of the pillowcases,
I find your cologne on the walls.
I remember when you came apart in pieces
on the carpet, and I will never be able
to wash the heartbreak out of the floors.
Someday,
I will leave our story behind, in this city.
This apartment will be barren and then
it will be full of other people.
None of them will know our names;
they will track over our history like
re-recording over old videotapes.
I won’t miss you.
Or I will miss you,
but I’ll have bought a new mattress:
one that doesn’t know how you twitch in your sleep.
I will have a new bedroom and the floorboards
won’t know how to moan your name
like I do.
and we’ll fall asleep
in different beds,
in different cities.
And if I wake up from dreams
that still taste like you,
I can take comfort in the fact
that even though you have kissed me,
you have never kissed me
here.
~Caitlyn Siehl
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18
kommentarer
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You’re living. Keep that up.
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Postad:6 november 2023 4:06 am
Senast Uppdaterad:13 november 2023 10:15 am 12006 besök
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You’re living.
Keep that up.
Wait up for the moon sometimes or get up early to see a sunrise, just because you can.
Jump in the lake. Run, skip.
The things you need to feel alive are free and all around, my friend.
You just have to see them.
Let in opportunity and say yes to the invitations that scare you a little, in a good way.
Say no to some of the things you force yourself to do, knowing they rinse you of your peace.
Life was never supposed to be a waiting room, it was supposed to be a hillside,
with paths leading in every direction and mountains as far as the eye can see,
hiding adventures and new friends behind them.
Don’t let yourself get to the end of this ride without having stopped to smell those beautiful roses.
That’s the only thing you need to fear in this life.
Everything else is all part of it.
It’s all just a messy, complicated, beautiful, and terrifying part of it.
Chin up, throw your arms wide open.
and let it be so.
— Donna Ashworth, “No Waiting Room”
Photo of Roses: From My Garden
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8
kommentarer
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~Sunday Sway
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Postad:5 november 2023 10:06 am
Senast Uppdaterad:7 november 2023 6:19 am 12136 besök
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* Long Time ~ Blondie ~ Pollinator
* Angel From Montgomery ~ Bonnie Raitt~ Streetlights
* Sunday Morning ~ Maroon 5 ~ Songs About Jane
* The Sky Is Crying ~ Stevie Ray Vaughn ~ The Sky Is Crying
* Have You Seen Me Lately? ~ Counting Crowes ~ Across A Wire ~ Live In New York
* Flower Power ~ Greta Van Fleet ~ From The Fires
* Hearts And Bones ~ Paul Simon ~ The Essential Paul Simon
* Your Bright Baby Blues ~ Jackson Browne ~ The Pretender
* The Beautiful Ones ~ Prince ~ Purple Rain
* I Am The Moon ~The White Buffalo ~ Darkest Darks ,Lightest Lights
Your Bright Baby Blues ~ Jackson Browne
I'm sitting down by the highway
Down by that highway side
Everybody's going somewhere
Riding just as fast as they can ride
I guess they've got a lot to do
Before they can rest assured
Their lives are justified
Pray to God for me baby
He can let me slide
I've been up
And down this highway
Far as my eyes can see
No matter how fast I run
I can never seem
To get away from me
No matter where I am
I can't help thinking
I'm just a day away
From where I want to be
Now I'm running home baby
Like a river to the sea
Baby if you can see me
Out across this wilderness
There's just one thing
I was hoping you might guess
Baby, you can free me
All in the power of
Your sweet tenderness
I can see it in your eyes
You've got those bright baby blues
You don't see what you've got to gain
But you don't like to lose
You watch yourself from the sidelines
Like your life is a game
You don't mind playing
To keep yourself amused
I don't mean to be cruel baby
But you're looking confused
Baby if you can hear me
Turn down your radio
There's just one thing
I want you to know
When you've been near me
I've felt the love
Stirring in my soul
It's so hard to come by
That feeling of peace
This friend of mine said
Close your eyes
And try a few of these
I thought I was flying like a bird
So far above my sorrow
When I looked down
I was standing on my knees
Now I need someone to help me
Someone to help me, please
Baby if you need me
Like I know I need you
There's just one thing
I'll ask you to do
Take my hand and lead me
To the hole in your garden wall
And pull me through
Pull me through
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7
kommentarer
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The Perfect Sub
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Postad:3 november 2023 5:08 am
Senast Uppdaterad:7 november 2023 3:21 am 13036 besök
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My early beliefs about D/s were shaped by a series of pretty emotionally abusive relationships. And by shit, I read in the weird crevices of the internet. For a long time, I didn’t know any better.
Pair that with the fact that I’m a perfectionist and you got some pretty dicey situations. And I’m not talking oh, I like to do well - I’m talking a nearly pathological need to be perfect.
I used to think the perfect sub would take whatever they were given and beg for more. I used to think the perfect sub would never have to use their safeword. I used to think the perfect sub was always willing, ready, and available.
I used to think the perfect sub didn’t have limits. Or that if they did then they’d happily push and test and abandon those limits to please their Dom(me).
I used to think the perfect sub didn’t make waves, didn’t ask for too much, and didn’t need more than what they were given.
I used to think the perfect sub was focused entirely on the relationship and on pleasing their Dom(me) and that nothing was ever - EVER - more important than that.
I used to think the perfect sub was pleasing, quiet, agreeable, soft, and pliant. Always. Without exception.
But now I know better.
The perfect sub has limits and safewords when it gets to be too much. The perfect sub is not afraid to safeword whenever and whyever they need to.
The perfect sub has needs and speaks up about those needs because they know that their Dom(me) is not a mind reader.
The perfect sub has expectations, requirements, and beliefs that they bring to the relationship. The perfect sub has deal breakers and things that will not be negotiated.
The perfect sub is not always ready, not always willing, and not always available - and that’s okay.
The perfect sub has a life and focus outside of the relationship. The perfect sub has interests, hobbies, friends, and a life. And sometimes that life requires attention.
The perfect sub doesn’t necessarily like everything that’s depicted in porn. The perfect sub can’t necessarily deepthroat or take a spanking or be tied up in elaborate positions.
The perfect sub knows that communication is key. And knows that it’s okay to stand up for themselves. And knows that their Dom(me) is not a god but a human.
And the perfect sub is human too, which means that they’re not really perfect at all.
And that’s okay.
I’m learning.
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19
kommentarer
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The Game
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Postad:1 november 2023 5:14 am
Senast Uppdaterad:1 mars 2024 5:49 am 15109 besök
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Placed upon my knees with two simple commands: “Place your hands just above my knees and do not let go. You may squeeze as hard as you need to. You will maintain eye contact at all times.”
He asks, “Do you know what I am going to do?” I answer, “Yes Sir. You are going to hurt me.” He asks “Why am I going to hurt you?” I answer, “Because you can Sir. I am yours to hurt.” He responds, “That’s right my little one. But you need me to hurt you. Don’t you little one?” I answer, “Yes Sir, I need it. I need it to hurt ”
Then He begins the nipple torture without another word. It can vary from His fingers to clothespins slowly squeezed to clover clamps with the chain slowly pulled over time.
If He sees I need encouragement or to borrow His will, He gently talks me through it.
When He is satisfied with the “peak” of the torture, He tells me how well I’ve done, and how beautiful I am like this while backing off the pressure/force.
He then tells me, “It’s time. These need to come off. And you know you will suffer. I am right here for you. Are you ready?” I answer, “Yes Sir. I am ready to suffer. Thank you, Sir.”
Understand that this moment is different. There is no escape. Even a safeword only means releasing the clamps. The pain will occur. And it will be a fucking insane pain for a few nanoseconds. But the die has been cast and safety demands release and the return of the blood flow to full force.
He describes my cries (screams?) as singing. He often tells me “That’s it, sing for me. I love your song.” And while this isn’t often the catharsis of sobs, there are tears gently streaming. And those tears running down onto my now overly sensitive nipples are their own kind of pain often followed by the warmth of His mouth leading to yet another flood of brain chemistry from adrenaline, endorphins, and oxytocin.
If you ask Him, and I have, He’d tell you that this position, hands just above his knees, close up, eyes locked gives him more of a feedback loop of my pain and endorphin rushes. The way I hold, squeeze, and release during allows Him to feel my experience as it happens, as well as see my soul.
And nipples have the bonus of releasing oxytocin, especially in the female. Oxytocin is the love and bonding hormone. It is so powerful when combined with eye contact that a newborn’s focal point is the average distance from the nipple to the eyes of its mother. There’s a reason we call it the love hormone or love drug. It’s designed to imprint the two onto each other's brain and soul.
There is a unique intimacy and connection in so simple of an act.
You don’t need decades of skill, thousands of dollars of accumulated leather toys, or a dungeon.
*All you need is trust in each other and the two-dollar pack of clothespins or a set of chained clover clamps.
~submissive-seeking.
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28
kommentarer
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Safewords.
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Postad:31 october 2023 7:19 am
Senast Uppdaterad:3 november 2023 3:34 am 13956 besök
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• Safewords should be determined during negotiations, clothed, before any play takes place.
• They should be something clear and concise, something easy to remember.
• Basic and generally accepted safewords are RED, MERCY, SAFE.
• Begging is not a safeword, stop is not a safeword.
• There are such things as non-verbal safewords: a drop, finger snap, or hand gesture.
• Remember to check in: are you with Me? Do you remember your safeword?
• Use the finger spread method to let your Top know how much distress you’re in: the wider the fingers are spread the more intense the pain.
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11
kommentarer
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Observations By My Favorite Comedian
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Postad:30 october 2023 5:44 am
Senast Uppdaterad:1 mars 2024 5:47 am 15295 besök
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An observation by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away.
George Carlin
The American Dream
watch?v=-54c0IdxZWc
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23
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Problem Solving For Submissives -101
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Postad:30 october 2023 3:42 am
Senast Uppdaterad:17 april 2024 5:47 am 14811 besök
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You’re confused, angry, frustrated, hurt… just: *insert overwhelming emotion here*. You’re at a loss and don’t see how to fix it. You don’t want to top from the bottom. You know anger isn’t helping. You don’t know where to begin.
It may seem overly simplistic but there are a few basic things to look at when you’re having a trouble that you don’t know how to handle it. I’m not perfect, not by a long shot. (In fact I’ve got a list of past punishments to prove it.) I’m not a guru or a counselor, just a normal everyday sub who has learned, and is still learning, the hard way how to navigate things like this. However, I do have a little bit of advice about how to proceed when you feel lost, and while it may not be perfect I hope it will help even one submissive who doesn’t know how to take the next step.
1) Define the problem. First Identify the emotion. Then work to figure out what you suspect is causing you to feel that way. Ex: I feel unimportant. Why do I feel that way? When we’re in the middle of a text conversation my partner disappears without warning, or he has very little time for me when he gets home and is always busy on the weekends.
2) Check for red flags. Okay now you know what the problem is. Write it down. Use no more than one sentence. I mean it… just one sentence. Yes, it’s possible. Trust me it is. ex: “His schedule is unpredictable and busy and the lack of attention makes me feel unimportant.” Perfect- normal problem, mo red flags. Now let’s look at a different one… “He disappears for days without warning and when I ask him about it he calms me clingy, and it makes me feel unimportant” This one is not normal. Red flag. What do you do with a red flag? Assuming it’s just one red flag, you skip to step #6.
3) Find the ideal solution. Ignore practicality for a moment and say exactly what it is that you want. (Yes, I think it’s important to suspend reality a moment because seeing that the ideal isn’t obtainable, or finding that it is can be freeing) Ex: I want him to spend weekends with me, physically together, and I want to talk every night after we get home from work. I want him to let me know if he has to step away from our text conversations for more than 10 minutes.
4) Check if the solution is realistic. Now bring some reason into the equation. Letting you know when he’s stepping away during a conversation would be a reasonable request. You have to provide for the fact that sometimes it won’t be possible and you’ll have to accept an apology instead, but this is a matter of habits and behaviors, so it’s a reasonable thing to want changed. But, a Dom who is a surgeon and works long unpredictable hours can not just rearrange his schedule or quit his job to accommodate a nightly call. A Dom who has his children every other weekend can not give you his full attention at those times.
5) Look for other options. Is there another way? Ahh good old compromise. As my husband is so fond of saying, “there is always a third option.” Ex: Perhaps your Dom is indeed a surgeon. Maybe he can’t call every night, but perhaps instead he can pre-record voice/video messages for you for when you’re feeling particularly needy. His schedule is unpredictable and he gets called in at odd times, or gets stuck in surgery with no way to communicate. Perhaps you decide to turn on the GPS tracker on his phone so that you can see where he is when your anxiety gets the best of your and you fear the worst.
6) Communicate! And now let’s get down to the nitty gritty. The hard part. The part nearly everyone avoids… communication. Doms aren’t mind readers. If you don’t tell them, then they won’t know.
If this is a red flag situation the communication then expect to educate. Be unequivocal. Tell them X is a need for you, and that it’s non-negotiable. If they shut you down…run. I mean it. If someone cannot tell the difference between a desire and a need, or is not open to understanding why their behavior is hurtful they are not a person you want making your decisions for you.
Assuming there are no red flags please keep in mind the dynamic. Be respectful. Speak in terms of facts and feelings. “When X happens I feel this way.” Try to avoid accusations and generalizations. “You always… You never… You don’t care about…” Give them a chance to think, and to respond. Offer up some of the solutions you’ve thought of. Do so respectfully and keep in mind the power exchange dynamic.
7) Evaluate the response. At this point they’ve heard you out and told you their view. They’ve listened to your ideas about how to move forward and now you have to ask yourself if you can you live with it. Sacrifice happens in relationships, but at some point if you feel you are compromising too much you may decide that despite how much you love this person that this just isn’t the time for you, or that you need things they can’t offer. Hopefully you won’t. Hopefully you’ll discover that most problems have alternate solutions if both parties want to find a way to make things work.
And just for good measure, when a Dom handles this sort of thing well, be sure to thank them! It’s not easy to be on the receiving end of this sort of discussion, especially when you’re meant to be in charge and keep the problems at bay. But it’s normal. The way a Dom reacts to a rational, respectful request speaks volumes about their character. So when they show you they’ve got some integrity be sure to recognize it!
#pleasurewhore
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8
kommentarer
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Sunday Morning Poetry
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Postad:29 october 2023 1:58 am
Senast Uppdaterad:29 october 2023 9:41 pm 14383 besök
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She is a year ago.
She is the ache in the empty,
the first time you changed your mind
and the last time you were sorry about it.
She is a city sleeping beside you,
warm and vast and familiar, streetlights
yawning and stretching,
and you have never. You have never.
You have never loved someone like this.
She is your first stomach ache.
Your first panic attack and your
favorite cold shower.
A mountain is moving somewhere
inside of you, and her handprints are all over it.
Here. Here. Here, you love her.
In the fractured morning, full of
too tired and too sad, she is the first
foot that leaves the bed.
She is the fight in you, the winning
and the losing battle
floating like a shipwreck in your chest.
When they ask you what your favorite moment is,
You will say Her.
You will always say Her.
~Caitlyn Siehl
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7
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