Stäng Var god fyll i ditt Användarnamn och Lösenord

It's All Relevant

This Blog Is About This & That..

Postad:23 october 2021 2:55 pm
Senast Uppdaterad:24 october 2021 8:44 pm
508 besök
"I love it when you cry,” he said, running a fingertip along the mascara streaking my cheek.

“Why?” I asked, sniffling. “It makes me all ugly and messy.”

“Wrong,” he said authoritatively, his hand gripping the back of my neck and tipping my watery eyes up to meet his.

“It makes you mine.”

9 kommentarer
Warning: Soapbox Ranting/Rambling Ahead ......
Postad:23 october 2021 2:21 am
Senast Uppdaterad:23 october 2021 3:09 pm
1362 besök
Warning: Soapbox Ranting/Rambling Ahead - read on or skedaddle, biscuits are definitely required and play nice.

Calling a submissive fake because they questioned an instruction is unadulterated bullshit at best and cruel manipulation at worst.

Respectfully questioning an instruction/order because it is/was unclear, unsafe, not possible, not pre-negotiated/agreed to, or not consensual is exactly the right thing to do and is what a submissive should do in the event of any of the above occurring.

It is responsible, productive, and the clever thing to do under dodgy circumstances - no matter what flavor of BDSM governance one adheres to.

Because here’s the thing:- blind compliance in the event of unclear parameters, lack of negotiation, and/or uncertain consent is not submission.
Submitting is not about being bullied, coerced, or manipulated by a person or situation.

Dominating is not about bullying, coercing, or manipulating a person or situation

We know this. We know that BDSM does not stand for *bully" *damage* *scar* *maim* …

Btw - BDSM stands for bondage discipline/dominance sadism/submission masochism - in case your dictionary goblin is on a tea break.

Neither BDSM nor d/s is about bullying or being bullied/coercing or being coerced/manipulation or being manipulated. (if you think that it is about any of those things, I’m afraid you’ve overshot the runway and landed in a swamp called Abuse - sorry, no biscuits for you - please proceed straight back to ‘nillaville)

Respect, consent, trust, and safety are absolutely everything in d/s.
So why then, is it so common to hear people saying stupid shit like “submissives must always obey, no matter what” or “a true submissive would never question an order - they just trust their dominant”.

Trust goes both ways - dominants must be able to trust their sub to ask for clarity if they don’t understand and safeword if there is danger or withdrawal of consent. And a submissive must be able to trust that their dom will listen and respect their call.

Unfortunately, the whole blind obedience thing seems to be getting way too much airplay and folks don’t seem to understand that it’s fine as fantasy but not How Things Actually Work. And sadly, people are getting hurt. Sometimes repeatedly because they don’t understand the basics of healthy power exchange and end up just being abused by twatwombles.

In addition, recognizing that one is being bullied/manipulated and being able to remedy the situation is not necessarily as simple or easy as explaining one’s position and poof! problem solved. Often there are many other factors at play - sometimes really complicated ones.

Regardless, as the submissive in a d/s engagement/dynamic, one does have certain responsibilities, one of which is to safeword or otherwise call it if the situation warrants it.

For example: if and when an instruction is unclear/dangerous/not previously agreed to or not consensual. Blind obedience under such conditions puts both parties at extreme risk.

In other words, it is the submissive’s responsibility to make sure that they fully understand and enthusiastically consent to whatever is being asked of them. And if they don’t, it is their job to speak up - either to ask for clarity or to pull the plug.
Anything less than full understanding and educated, enthusiastic, ongoing consent is not submission or power exchange.
It may be helpful to keep the following in mind:

Compliance, obedience, and expectations thereof are not standard issue, one-size-fits-all applicable to every d/s dynamic/experience kind of thing. Like kinks, hard/soft limits, and other matters relevant to power exchange/kink-based relationships, they must be discussed, negotiated, and agreed to before engaging.

Until all the details have been hammered out and agreed to by all parties, the submissive party is not required to obey or comply with any instruction from the dominant party. And once all negotiations are complete and agreed to - by all parties - the submissive party still retains the right to ask as many questions as are necessary to ensure full understanding and full consent.
Personal responsibility, logic, manners, and basic decency do not get chucked out the window just because one has a sticker that says “hi my name’s Candy and I’ll be your submissive for the evening” or one gets off on being told what to do. These aspects of human inter-personal relating actually become exponentially more important - not least of all because of the danger to life and limb.

So if a dominant gets all bent out of shape and takes the “you’re not a real sub” route when you don’t immediately drop to your knees, strip and/or beg to polish their knob because it’s your first meeting and communication is apparently an abandoned city south of “we haven’t even bloody discussed kinks, limits, and expectations let alone negotiated whether kneeling is actually A Thing or not” - run the fuck away as fast as your legs will carry you - do not walk - do not stop to say “kthxbai” and for the love of fuck, do not think for one moment that you are a fake sub. You’re not. You’re a silly sub for not sorting that shit out long before agreeing to meet but you are one hundred percent a real live (emphasis on the live) submissive.

Submissive is who you are. Submission is something you offer to the person/people of your choosing under the terms and conditions of your choosing. Your identity as a submissive is not open to debate, criticism, or judgment by anyone. Ever.

So, ask the questions - ask all the fucking questions necessary to ensure the well-being, understanding, and consent of everyone involved. Respectfully, firmly and if needs be, repeatedly. That is your right and responsibility as the submissive.

Thank you for reading. Be well - be kind and play safe.

And remember: submission - like dominance, is a gift. And gifts come with responsibilities.

6 kommentarer
Confidence. ..
Postad:21 october 2021 4:09 am
Senast Uppdaterad:21 october 2021 10:15 pm
5091 besök
Bring confidence in your submission. Own it. Be proud. Say it with your eyes. With your smile.
I want know you carry a burning desire inside you that you have been waiting for since the last time you let it out.
I have options. Men like me always have options. So bring your fucking whole self and I will bring of you.
Every last part of . you. I will give I can and when I can’t give more I will fucking myself in the ass give more. My lungs will burn. My body will drop sweat. My head will throb. And by god, my dick will be rock hard I shovel every last bit of ambition I have into your sensitive parts.
I am giving my best to you. Tomorrow morning you will wake and have a hard time thinking of anything else. Next week will be no different.
I will be your first thought. You will be mine.
I want it no other way.

4 kommentarer
Postad:19 october 2021 9:25 am
Senast Uppdaterad:21 october 2021 1:02 pm
5370 besök
I ask you, what’s more important than true connection? With it, we have the ability to cultivate a life with weight and girth. A beautifully robust life. Foster healthy relationships built upon trust, respect, kindness, and honesty, but only when we allow the most vulnerable selves to be seen. Open ourselves completely to the energy of another and give and receive without judgment. Trust and feel safe. Connection can be that which gets you through the rough patches, the difficult conversations and lift you up on days you feel less than yourself. Connection strengthens us. It makes us feel valued. Heard. Connection can also heal. Remind us we aren’t alone; there is nothing more powerful than when someone hears the song inside you.

“When we know ourselves to be connected to all others, acting compassionately is simply the natural thing to do.”

It is a modern irony that we live in a society that has so many ways to connect, so many ways to reach out and yet we rarely put forth the effort to build connections. We talk, post, blog and say nothing. Unfortunately, we’ve become increasingly more insular and cut off. Cyber recluses. Connections take effort. They take time. Connections are investments and need to be nurtured.

“Real relationships are the product of time spent, which is why so many of us have so few of them.”

Many things, you’ll discover in time, can be short-lived. Physical attraction, money and success, and the boxes and boxes of stuff we buy to fill our misunderstood needs. Connection can transcend all that. If you find someone that gets you; listens to your heart, your fears, your everything. Someone you can drop your armor with. Be you with. Sees your worth. Someone who shares with you a mental and even spiritual connection. Someone who stirs your soul and inspires you. That is when you will see the greatness of connection. That is when you’ll know true intimacy.

11 kommentarer
Impact is Like a Symphony
Postad:17 october 2021 3:06 am
Senast Uppdaterad:19 october 2021 1:41 am
5620 besök
A great impact scene is almost transcendent. It leaves my whole body humming. My body feels like it’s floating, and my brain just feels warm and soft and fuzzy. I curl into my Dominant’s arms, almost unable to form words. It is connection and trust, lightness and freedom. But it’s hard to overstate how hard it is to reach this place. In my years of doing impact, I’ve only felt it a handful of times. There’s a balance required to get there that most scenes just don’t find.

The best impact scenes are like a symphony. They allow you to feel the intensity by changing it. Symphonies are sometimes thundering drums and crashing cymbals. But they rarely start or finish that way. They take you to the edge and then pull you back. Like symphonies, impact scenes cannot be a push to red. A push to red destroys trust. It is where submission ends. When I’m asking myself if it’s time for yellow, I am already thinking about when to withdraw consent. My mind grows alert because I need to make a decision. Yellow is a good communication tool. But if I stay there too long, it pulls me out of a submissive headspace. At the same time, I do want to suffer. Suffering creates an opportunity for me to serve. I need the intensity to help me let go and give myself. I need the varying intensities to help me reach the right space, then stay there.

Symphonies have a rhythm and a flow that moves you through, but they also stay in one place long enough for you to really feel it. The beginning sets the theme and helps you orient yourself to the piece. Then each movement takes on a purpose or feel that tells the story. There’s some consistency within each. When I’m starting to sink into subspace, I need that consistency if I’m going to let go. I need a consistent pace and strength and implement, with gradually increasing intensity. Sometimes during a sadistic spanking, Dominants vary these things to keep me mentally present. But if they want that transcendent experience, I need time with each pace and strength and implement to be able to melt into it. I need time to transform the pain into waves pulsing through me. That’s where I find my calm. That’s where I let go.

But this transcendent experience doesn’t happen easily. When you are creating a symphony with another person, it takes a while to learn their flow and style. Impact requires one person to translate a person’s bodily response into what they are thinking and feeling, in a space where everyone reacts differently. I’m sure there are some tops who can do this during pick-up play. But for me, I can’t imagine reaching that depth without a deep bond making it possible. I need the foundation of responsibility and trust before I can let go completely. I need it before I can allow them to take me to the place where I can’t form words, where I am a softly whimpering puddle of girl.

A symphony is dramatic and intense, but it’s also soft and slow. It batters you with percussion and brass, then soothes you with strings. It creates a feeling, then allows you to soak it in. The best impact scenes are a work of art, created by two people who share a secret language. They anticipate one another’s moves, and they trust each other implicitly. I enjoy impact without this connection. But with it, it’s like entering another world.

8 kommentarer
Postad:15 october 2021 2:26 am
Senast Uppdaterad:24 october 2021 2:37 am
5990 besök
Sifting through all the words. Trying to find the place I went wrong. Tricky bastards, words. Stack and string them as gifts. Lace them with poison and they become weapons. I sat picking through the spillage and realized how exposed I was. Seeing just how quickly you stripped me. It had been so long since I had allowed anyone close enough to see past my smiles, that I didn’t recognize what was happening. Until you were gone again. The soul-deep loneliness that had been eased by you, was now choking me, twisting me inside. You asked me for the words and I gave you all of them. Word by word, creating the stories that gave you the key to me. I dumped all of the words, useless and broken into a box. The lock snapped with a click and the box was shoved back into place. The words that can hold such power, are sometimes the most useless things of all…

11 kommentarer
A Bondage Bunny...
Postad:13 october 2021 7:57 pm
Senast Uppdaterad:14 october 2021 1:32 pm
6289 besök
“She’s the kind of girl That misbehaves… And she knows it. Struggles with it. Bathes and even taunts you with it. But she’s strong and independent. And sharp-witted along with it. But don’t think for a minute that she doesn’t want to be taken, possessed, and, put in her place. To be backed up against that wall. Choked and kissed above all. Pinned by your ard/or squealing her thrill. Submitting and bending to your will. She will fuss and fight, on dark days with all her might. But she just wants your overpowering affection. So fist her hair and spank her right. Discipline her late into the night. Her longing to be obedient isn’t just a want… She longs to be put in her place after a taunt. A bondage bunny that you flaunt. Deserving those spanks on her greedy lil cunt. A complex girl of contradiction isn’t for the faint of heart. She needs a man of conviction, one that can appreciate every paradoxical part. So deliver her into loving subjugation, even though it's no walk in the park”

— Original writing © ThePoeticSir 2016
9 kommentarer
What Drives Submission
Postad:13 october 2021 2:18 am
Senast Uppdaterad:15 october 2021 2:35 am
6456 besök
A couple of years ago, I wrote a post on What Drives Dominance. Through my D/s experiences, I came to see that the desire for control didn’t always come from the same place. So I laid out a few things that drive the desire to dominate someone.

Submission: has been a bit harder for me to parse out, perhaps because I’m too close to it. I don’t live inside a Dominant’s head, so I could step back and think about it, a little like an anthropologist. But in listening to and learning from other submissives, I have started to notice a few themes. The desire to submit seems to come from four core needs: escape accountability, belonging, and service.

Escape: Some submissives want to submit so they can set down all the responsibilities they carry, just for a little while. They can let go and let their minds go quiet. I think many of us have moments like this, but some are motivated by this more than others. I hear this most often in submissives who aren’t in or aren’t looking for a full-spectrum D/s relationship. I think that’s because escape isn’t sustainable when you try to do it all the time. But sometimes it can be incredibly cathartic and recharging.

Accountability: Some submissives feel fulfilled by the structure, rules, and accountability of a D/s relationship. It’s not that they need micromanaging or that they can’t set their own structure; it’s that being held accountable feels intimate and loving. There is comfort in knowing someone is responsible for you. Someone is vigilant and will notice when something has slipped. And they will devote the effort to set things back on the right path.

Belonging: Some submissives have a need to be possessed completely by their Dominants. It’s that feeling of being kept. Owned. It’s the feeling of belonging to another person so deeply that it removes all sense of boundaries from that person. For some, this need comes from a need to feel secure—safe from abandonment and loss. For others, it’s about the feeling of constant connection that ownership can bring. There is a deep intimacy in giving all of yourself to a person, even the ugly parts, and feeling their whole-hearted acceptance.

Service: Some submissives have a deep need to serve their Dominants. It’s often not about praise or recognition from their Dominant. They get fulfillment primarily from seeing that their Dominant is comfortable, happy, and cared for. This may be doing the laundry, fixing a drink, taking your Dominant’s shoes off, or serving sexually on command. And some service-driven submissives may get no fulfillment from domestic chores but deeply value other forms of service. Regardless of the specific task, it’s a need to fulfill your Dominant’s needs.

Very few submissives are driven by just one of these needs. In fact, I’ve been driven by each of the first three at various points in time (I do serve, but I am not often driven to submit by a need to serve). But these underlying needs make a difference in incompatibility. A submissive who needs belonging may not mesh well with a Dominant who needs control. These needs affect what you’re looking for and how you experience D/s. It’s important to assess (and occasionally reassess) not only what you want, but also why you want it.

8 kommentarer
Getting to know her…
Postad:10 october 2021 7:49 am
Senast Uppdaterad:12 october 2021 3:33 am
6948 besök
(Written from M/Dom f/sub pov… YMMV(your mileage may vary…)
Unfortunately, I am writing again to the people that just don’t seem to get it yet… I chose to simplify much of this and I know there will be pitchforks raised, but I wrote it mostly for the people that are trying to learn and are continuously cockblocked by their own missteps.

All flavors of the right side of the slash are people. People with memories, experiences, desires, goals, and standards. There are many more common traits, but for the sake of this lesson, we will just address those in sets. Coincidentally, each set sort of builds on the last, and I will shed light on that as well…

Part 1: Who she is…

As humans being, we are the summary of our past. So, you really should make an effort to know what she has experienced up to this point, but remember that each experience she relates to you was from a time when you were not in her life, so she will be telling you what she did with other people if you start getting upset about this, or already know all you need to know about her just from reading her fetish list, jump immediately to Part 3. (go ahead, go!) Those of you still reading, smart lads. You want to know about the people in her life before… learn what they did right (ride their successes) learn what they did wrong… (she is not with them anymore… don’t repeat their mistakes). Listen (or read between the lines) for what happened, why they liked or disliked it, and how it made them feel… the “who” is not important unless there was abuse involved… “When will we” is never a question to ask… “are we there yet?” is not cute in a Dom. Take the time to know her past, at the pace SHE is willing to share, learn her issues and her triggers, memorize the path. Because at some point you will be moving on instinct, and missteps can not only end a scene early, they can also destroy trust. (potentially ending relationships)

Part 2: What she wants…

Some people jump to the assumption that a /sub only wants to please their D/… if that is you… Congratulations! jump to Part 3 (it’s just down there… Below a few words you won’t remember anyhow). Again, those still reading… Good for you! Your knuckles don’t drag. Desires and Goals are not something I can speak of with total accuracy simply because every sub is a different person. Their desires are equally diverse. Yes, there are some generalizations. Yes, there are levels of depth. YES, there are layers… like an onion.. or Parfait… (bonus points for getting the reference) But the important thing is that YOU take the time to get that knowledge. It matters to her that you have her desires in mind. Desires are right now… present tense. But, Goals… Goals are another beast entirely, goals are the future. Goals are what relationships are built on, or not… this is why it’s important to find out… Is she wanting LTR?, permanence?, Family?, Marriage?, A farm in Nebraska with well-trained ponies and dogs? (good luck getting that image out of your head now) The important thing is to know how compatible your mutual goals are and make sure you are on the same page… is this just a “…thing” or is it a “Thing” or is it a “THING!!!” Be on the same page or you will look like an ass.

Part 3: What she will accept…

What she will accept is based on her Standards:

Her sense of self-worth,
How she feels her needs and desires will be met,
how what you offer compares to what she wants,
all play a huge part in this.

If you jumped directly from Part 1, the only standard that will matter is her self-worth, if you don’t care enough to even know her history, she knows it, and she may still be willing to do the crapshoot and just hope it will be different this time… (…the last 6 must have been bad luck)

If you jumped from Part 2, she will recognize you as a player… some skills and some decent potential for fun, her knowing that you at least have some of what makes her tick. you care enough to know your way around her body and/or problems.. but you are not a candidate for anything deep.

And Last, you read everything, you asked all the questions, got all the answers…

…or did you?

then reality kicks in… (interlude)

This is not me telling you a magic kinky formulae… I just described the VANILLA courtship ritual. If you have followed what I laid out 9/10 times you would have realized partway through Part 1 OR 2, that the of you may not be right for each other… and depending on the mutual goals in Part 2 it may not matter… But If you are half the leader you claim to be, YOU should be pointing out where the problems are, what the issue is, and don’t be a douche and gloss them over just to get your kink on.

Part 3b: …back to standards.

Let's be realistic, we all have different tastes, interests, and motivations. A sub will choose a mate that fits what she feels she wants to be coupled with what she feels she deserves. If you have taken the time… scratch that… if you invested the time to get to know her to a level where you are almost finishing each other's thoughts… then a wonderful thing has happened, you have captured her mind. That is the best possible scenario. I wish the of you much kinky-fuckery and please invite me to the wedding.

Always remember. Until she chooses you and lets you into her heart, mind, and soul… you are a visitor in her life. If you assume authority over her or treat her with disrespect. You look foolish and you will not be invited to stay.…

3 kommentarer
Postad:8 october 2021 3:52 am
Senast Uppdaterad:9 october 2021 12:32 am
7884 besök
Connection. The fitting together of two things, people or ideas. Matching. A simple word when looked at on its own. Two pieces that match or fit. In electricity, if the connection isn’t snug, doesn’t fit well, the juice won’t flow the way it’s supposed to. I mean it may work for a while but will be disrupted, not consistent. So that would mean the same is true when applied to people. The connection isn’t snug, the pieces don’t quite fit, that flow is spotty, and eventually, it stops working. When you have had a connection with a person when the pieces fit, you will forever remember that, and should the connection failure due to a cut in the line, you will know how it was supposed to work and spend hours, days, years searching. Connection, such a simple word for something so important…

6 kommentarer

För att länka till denna blogg (aliljaded) använd [blog aliljaded] i dina meddelanden.