Close Please enter your Username and Password
Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
Password reset link sent to
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service

My Blog

sight
Posted:Jul 14, 2024 1:20 am
Last Updated:Jul 14, 2024 1:34 am
1150 Views

[COLOR skyblue]Note to self
train
body, mind,
mouth
There is a corridor, a hallway,a foyer
a doorway, shadowy, elliptically lit
silver, foggy
captivating shadows, silhouettes
mature well endowed fem dom mom, standing there
in black, leather, standing there in the shadow, a silhouette
wearing leather thigh high heels
black leather micro shorts
black leather corset. perfecto jacket
she stands in the doorway, leaning,
balanced, with one hand pressing high on the side
of the arching stone or concrete entry.
more black leather.
too much.
much too much.
overwhelming
too good.
long black leather gloves
one arm rising one arm relaxed
resting at her hip, her lap
black on black on black
silver light and shadow.

I come strolling down the block
wishing without expecting to find love, romance, and sex.
wherever, however.
I'm feeling like I'd do anything to get love
but I haven't got a clue what to do
I stroll down the block, round a corner,
and head along the block around the corner, on the sidewalk.
Then I see her in my view, in the doorway, the portal,
she's posted.
my head moves into my heart or continues to my gut.
my legs are redirected.
I stop walking
I stand there, looking at her
I get a feeling or a thought that's she's looking for something to happen.
and when something happens that she wants to happen
she will take it and make it happen for her
she sees me
I catch one quick bright flash in her eyes
smacking my eyes
and into my rib cage.
her gaze stays fixed on me.
her face her expression, has brightened
she seems to not have moved at all
but her whole body has shifted, incalculably
oh, her one raised arm is down.
she has ever so subtly imperceptibly turned.
but I never saw and cannot understand how she has moved
now she is almost looking over her shoulder at me
she has turned toward the door.
It's like with her mind, her eyes her will power,
she is beckoning me
and, or, I'm coming. I'm just coming
I'm going in with her
she's a powerhouse of allure and beauty
I'm pretty certain she wants something from me
and she wants me to come inside with her
where she can get what she wants with me

as I approach the door two guys come walking down the street. near to where I'm closing in on the woman in the door.
They notice me approaching the doorway and the woman about to open it and take me in and one fellow throws a question out loud, right at me, with an eerie tone of doubt and concern in his voice he asks me " you sure you want to do that? " He asks with a rhetorical bent, He already knows how he would answer the question.
the woman seems to acknowledge, or just get the mans question but gives no response, just stands there in utter stoic motionlessness
and with no trace of distraction, her eyes remain fixed fast on me.
I hear the question. I get it. but I give no response.
I can't.allow myself to consider the question. I don't want to.
It's a well placed cautionary heads up question ,
perhaps inspired by something from heaven.
but I'm intent on going, wherever, with this woman.
1 comment
2b and paris
Posted:Jul 13, 2024 12:35 am
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2024 1:02 am
1147 Views
who is .... paris?

1 comment
scent
Posted:Jul 13, 2024 12:26 am
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2024 1:00 am
849 Views

One thing I love about the neighborhood I currently live in is that there's a mild but prevailing scent in the air that is the same scent I recall imbibing in another nearby neighborhood I lived in when I was a , in the mid-1960s. I feel, I remember, so well, so wonderful, this very smell, coming from an abundance of flora, grasses, gardens, and the remnants of orchards, in what used to be an area full with orchards, of trees, plum, peach, apple, pear, and walnuts and almonds. I am brought back to the late morning and noon day severe midsummer heat and the blinding sun blazing massive over the entire clear blue sky .
Ah, such a gift the sense of smell. The world may seem to be radically changing but some gifts of life remain the same.
Human skin, flesh, as infinitely uniquely varied as is every individual, breath them in. Smell your friends. Smell your lover, your lovers. Get close and take note as you breathe them in well. Take a whiff of them again and again. Smell fresh clean flesh and smell a girlfriend a boyfriend who's scent has been affected by a long day a full day of being busy, and hours and many minute layers of sweat. Appreciate them. Stay with it get used to it. Love them, caring and considerate of how they are. Consider, again, how are they?
Maybe take them into a shower, or a pool or pond a lake, the ocean. Or dont, but then take them into bed or lie down with them wherever you can lay with them, and carress and lay naked body to naked body with them breathe in their entire body, taste their feet, and give them head. Smell and taste their come before you swallow it, get back into the bathtub or the ocean, so you can let them piss on you and into your mouth
Be grateful. Get grateful if a feeling of gratitude for your friend your love does not come naturally.
Once out of the shower and out of the bed, go to the kitchen and get them some lovely smelling food and liquid refreshment. Live like you've gone with them to disneyland.
Take time to smell their shoes, and any leather bondage apparatus collars and cuffs they might like to use with you. polish their shoes, polish the leather collars and cuffs. Enjoy the scent of the chemicals in the polish.
Love Your friends again and again. Fuck them again, Lovingly. Love your friends forever.
I want to take my lovers and my friends strolling through my wooded neighborhood So I can be with my lover and my friends while drinking in the scent, the scent brings me back to my childhood. I want to stroll around through the tenderloin where have walked miles and days and nights. I want to consider the scent of the tenderloin. I want to go into a dank dark little tenderloin bar. I want to spot I lone romantic spirit. I want to make eye contact, introduce myself, get acquainted, breathe her in, cut to a certain chase, about sexual play and bliss and contentment, nakedness and collars and cuffs, and the two of us in a small ancient aging residential hotel room, some air warm some shadow cool. And she and I will lie, make love, and breathe in and enjoy our scents together. /SIZE]
1 comment
the cosmos
Posted:Jul 12, 2024 12:25 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2024 8:21 am
1104 Views

I guess I believe in God .
The idea; the concept of God was presented to me early in my life. My mother was an obsessive Catholic. I use the word obsessive because of it alluding to neurosis. My mother was orphaned at a young age and grew up in a nunnery. She had a rather terse rhetorical insistence on doing the rosary with me and getting to mass, but she didn't go to mass, ... religiously. Something about the church, maybe it was the american culture mixing into the church, because, as an immigrant, clearly, I could see, my mother had a hard time accepting american culture. But, while I got some kind of stunted education in catholism, and my father was a total church dropout, so I certainly followed his lead, I really don't know much of anything about Catholism or christianity. I don't know much about Jesus. I kind of think Jesus and Jesus' story is totally made up. But I believe in God. Or, I like the idea of God, and I would like to believe in God. And I never learned by way of reading the Bible. That might have had something to do with us being Northern Irish Catholics. And the Bible it seems at some juncture in history to have been sort of seized , one might say by the English, and re rendered into their King James version. What may be the most most common version of the modern-day Bible. And Northern Ireland has been at odds with Great Britain, certainly during the years my mother and father were born and raised in the country of Northern Ireland as Catholics.
Well, I shouldn't slip into contentious politics. I just want to clarify how I believe in God And I want to believe in God. Sounds like God has the best intentions for life and this universe, this planet and me, myself, and all of you:everyone. If only we could see God giving more attention to mitigating the suffering of the hungry And the war torn.
Those two issues and probably countless other extremely unpleasant experiences that we see happening on this planet in this life that we; I, think we all feel lucky, and grateful to have most of what we've got so much that is available even if it's just the sunshine and some shade and cool air when there's too much sun, hmm, sexy beautiful men and women.
And broccoli and peaches.
I was drawn to the site of peaches in the market today. They looked beautiful. I'm kind of a fussy eater with a rather limited palate and I'm not into everything peach-like. I've never really been in to peach pie but I like those total sugary peach flavored gummy rings and I like fresh peaches. When I was in the market today gazing upon the fresh peaches, I mused over that. Funny, limited palate of mine and I feel lucky that I had not spurned peaches in my silly limited curiousness and I considered having a peach today. But I gave several peaches a bit of a squeeze. They're still too tight, so not quite right for eating today... But if God were on that... There's one perplexing seemingly godless human character trait that I'm as guilty of as most everyone else, might I presume? , selfishness . But if God were on that... Maybe I wouldn't be so selfish... And that's where I stop to think; does God really exist? Because the concept is that God is perfect. God can do everything. God is in fact doing everything, every nano second, every breath every molecule is God orchestrating, like a surfer on the crest of a wave like babe Ruth pointing to where he's going to hit one like when every human being is doing something that they know they can do and they do it, God is in every molecule in it doing everything the molecule is doing. It's according to this concept which I accept, or hope is accurate, and appreciate and sing praises to.... But then all the molecules in Ukraine and in Gaza, that hurricane heading to Tennessee, bubonic plague in Colorado vaguely seems to suggest that God, most preferably referred to as omnipotent, this God, seems to have, like, thrown a rod. But I still want to so I still believe and when not everything is going my way. I say well that maybe that's my selfishness and my attitude. Am I wishing I had two girlfriends Asians , or one asian one Latinx one British, Sharp and commanding, Auburn or blonde, and a bombshell, any size. One more, from New York City, Chicago or Delaware where the heck they could be from anywhere , as long as they're smart and fair, breaths of fresh air and like it when I'm there And slender slender and full-figured all at once as one mouthful of a scrumptious muffin, now some of them wear leather and then they go naked most of the time and throw in a mature muscle leather daddy and get him naked and hung very handsomely.
But I see , see? See what happens with my own selfishness and appetite.... too many millions of peaches. Might I remind myself that I kind of believe in God?
Or am I the thrown rod?
The reason I bring up... God... Am I all possibly sketchy The belief in handling of my concept after God, It's in light of my delight with jacking off and my desires for sex in women and sometimes men absolutely gorgeous sexy shapely brightly eyes shining spirited fast-witted intelligent ones who like my being around
Who would want to go to bed with me all the time or into the sea, naked arm and arm body to body smile upon smile lips upon lips, loving and kissing and celebrating our god-given Good Fortune gratitude for the lives we live and the bodies we have and tools And the capacity with which to make love, when there is time permitting of course to get a good night's sleep get up the next morning shower nice and fresh and presentable , get a good breakfast go to work, struggle in this capitalistic world to make just enough money to survive. Work hard all day,
feel exhausted. Take another shower in this hot summer. A little rest break. I'll self-check in; some journaling. Perhaps jack off okay after that before the sun has gone all the way down or maybe after the night has come to life we swing out into looking to find our spirits aligning love and delight is everywhere in the cool dark air and also hopefully they're too easy to find if our God is kind amazing beauties, who like me being around laughing and dancing and getting up and down twisting and grooving. Ecstatic, orgasmic celebration. Grateful for the heights of human life, sexual bliss, and happiness.
I don't get out enough
I don't drink anymore so I'm not much for going to bars,
Although I still enjoy music, but I'm a little under satisfied by live music simply. Music doesn't quench all of my senses. I might be more of a story, theater, kind of guy. I believe that's kind of why am into the dramatic role play of BDSM. I wonder what kinksterism might be going on right now and as the taste slips away and becomes the night. I don't network enough
But then maybe I'm expecting too much of myself. I am 62.88 years old still struggling to make ends meet; my own poor master crafting of the capitalistic paradigm not to be dismissed and I probably shouldn't be thinking about venturing out into a wild night just for some curvaceous vivacious woman in leather or less looking to get with me and stress our libidinous passionate appetites...
I'm making a note to myself, again, to peruse the worldwide net for fascinating events that might produce for me increased sexual satisfaction and closeness to God, when I can get the time, to find events in good time. What did John Lennon say? I will be busy making plans.
When I was young and once I discovered jacking off ,
I would create a fantasy, in the presumed character of some of the prettier girls in my high school. Cheerleaders were great candidates. The high school picture yearbooks had images of them scantily clad . But even beyond the bare legs, bare arms and well-defined chests, there were those adorably cute halter top pleated mini skirt outfits, that kind of made me consider that it would be just fine to fuck them while they're dressed like that. I'd imagine the sight of them and I'd imagine them feeling very cheery just to be with me sexually and then I'd get down and fuck my pillow.
But I always had a troubling thought that would never go away and so became eventually something I had to adjust to. Imagining these real life girls I went to school with and might one day have the opportunity to very really romance get playful with, make love to, and enjoy more making love more play and more romance, And their cheeriness with being with me never ending, I determined it might be bad for me to be fantasizing about them all by myself. I suppose I might have been theorizing psychologically that with my conceptualizing a creative fantasy what these girls might be like I was disrupting a potential for participating in experiencing these girls in reality. I might have been theorizing psychologically, but at that time, My reason was that it was a potential cosmic connection, and I was severing or damaging, when I chose my own picture of what fucking, and making love and having fun, dancing, singing, inspiring imbibing their cheer and being with me whether or not it was ever actually going to be. I didn't want to risk ruining my opportunity for having this kind of adventure, in real world real time. So I stopped fantasizing about anyone who I felt might really, in reality, care about me, and like me, like that, and love me, really.
And I still believe in that, but I've never really thought it through or thought about it, concretely putting it down in print. So it just floats around in my mind and has been doing so for nearly fifty of my 62 years, not necessarily waiting but available for the moment. I might give it a little more concrete processing
Maybe right now is a little scratching of the surface.
There's a reason I kind of need to scratch at that concept
And that is because, right now, I really want to fuck. I believe this is not an uncommon condition to just want to fuck so much that ... Me or we anyone feeling this feels such an urge that we feel we could pretty much fuck anything that moves.
Los Angeles punk rock band from the 1980s Black flag, whoever wrote their lyrics, wrote those lyrics; " I'll fuck anything that moves " I don't think Black flag are the first or the last to express that sentiment. It might also be a line Dennis Hopper barked in blue velvet . Black flag mostly wrote songs that portrayed sociopathological dysfunction, kind of tongue in cheek. a little shock value punk rock irony was just their brand.
Alas i digress again.
Recently I've been romanticizing the Barbary Coast days, San Francisco's surge of activity with Gold Rush.
I've been strolling some of San Francisco's earliest established streets and neighborhoods.
And then I started thinking I might like to visit a in the neighborhood surrounding Portsmouth square, where modern San Francisco saw it's first surge into becoming the city it grew into, leaving portsmouth square dwarfed and near indistinguishable, at the edge of an aging cluttered Chinatown. I want to go there, and start with a massage.
I've been also sort of wanting on it off for years, to invest And what could amount to nearly $1,000 to make contact and get acquainted with a lovely not so young anymore local shemale who is fairly pretty and has a massive beautiful cock and solicits companionship services and hints at dominating the willing. and the more willing, the more adventurous she suggests she can get.
Then there is another avenue that I used to explore in my aging youth, which is the simply drop in to certain bars where men are more freely loving with men.
And recently I've gotten hot to explore British Dominant women's qualities of character.
I have frequented three of these worlds, many years ago.
Why don't I just go?
As for visiting the at portsmouth square, one apprehension I have is getting spotted by the large but likely to be tight asian community there. And what I'd prefer to keep some dream going is that one day, On a stroll, exploring another lane, through Chinatown, or the surrounding terrain, I might meet the loveliest ever of all human beings. And I wouldn't want to be known, or have to disclose, that I am here in the neighborhood, as a shopper at the .
and furthermore, why I don't just go get all the easy to for and the free swinging trisexual adventures and possible relative misadventures,
because ultimately I have my heart set some relatively simple living semi suburban, such as I am, person who lives life more simple, vanilla. french vanilla, maybe at most kinky with a twisty something, maybe a nice mischievous girl who plays with her food,
If I ever am to get romantically connected with another human being who and whose lifestyle would fit in with the kind of lifestyle I exist within; not totally 24/7 but... Maybe 21...,/,... 21/5.5?
I might need to keep my, uh, dirty mind out of those hedonists gutters ...
Even though those gutters of which I have uttered a current yearning for are not quite the same as fantasizing and jacking off to a cheerleader classmates' images and contrivances imagined likely obstructing the real possibility of that ever happening....
And I can conclude for now with a new idea that should there become, becoming around a mountain as she becomes, Ms. Next entering my life, I absolutely! Should want to play at least one time,
cheerleader
therapist
and femdom with a strap-on,
last but not least .
and seek further awakening unto and into the cosmos
[/
COLOR]
2 Comments
wednesday
Posted:Jul 10, 2024 12:06 pm
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2024 12:36 pm
1701 Views

And I drive to keep doing
whatever I feel i ought to be doing
After becoming exhausted, and even when exhausted
I still want to fuck somebody
and I still want to love

like a charlatan I wait
often a charlatan I am, a wannabe of a man
Charlatan wants to lay in wait
Lurking through the night like Batman plotting vengeance, ... or revenge, on my never identifiable real enemy. Sometimes I think I've spotted some real asshole. Most of the time my enemy is me, and/or something imperceiveable inconceivable, unseeable, millions of miles deep in the dark of the cosmos above, the so called heavens, the night sky, that which becomes deep space, and maybe heaven.
Sometimes I am lost, sometimes I feel frustrated, stupid, clueless, having no gift no capacity to turn my living into an art, a craft, a success, or getting laid on demand.
And so I find myself lurking, alone, hopeless, batman walking to kindergarten class, lost, vigilant, with no prize that I am capable of eyeing, no goal, no target, no skirt...
lurking like a predator seeking to locate, leap upon, and feast on .... a really cute girl, dressed like a cheerleader, an adult age only of course, cheerleader, bending rules, wiggling skirt, a really cute happy playful girly woman who'll be adoring me being on top of her. sure.
and besides, sometimes I don't know what else better I could be doing, having no clue, so I lurk,
but I'm wearing a a bright vanilla white sweatshirt, a hoodie, on this night and most nights, ... kind of stands me out in plain sight, in the dark of my batmaning night, and I also don't have those mad predatory vigilante super hero skills or much of any sense at all.... maybe I ought to wear a mask. nah.
What to say of the spirituality of a fellow who has no sense?

Recently I've been thinking I might like to go back to visit the beginning of my sex life... or to where my sexuality became an alternative sexuality. Or is it altered? oh yeah.
When and what exactly was the beginning?
I have to ask why on Wednesday I want to ask what on Wednesday who I want, where to go and where to stay? Where, on Wednesday?
When and where was that beginning, the one one I want to revisit repair remodel ?
There's nothing I can really do. Of course I really don't; or wouldn't, want to change, anything about any beginning. Although I have fantasized that it might have been fascinating if the first one who picked me up in the bar that day was more,; absolutely my idea, of beautiful, and sexy, infinitely desirable. Of course that might have made for quite the dilemma, seeing as how she was nonbinary, or just a man, dressed as a woman , with a wide open range of interest in sexual partners... or maybe she was just in to men... And maybe this is not my purview to qualify this particular sexual interest of this person Rather all I really have to be saying is that no matter how beautiful or sexy this person was she was not, at that exact time, my ideal kind , but I'll always be thankful to her anyway for fucking me, and yet more sexy and more beautiful might have been more appealing. hmm.
And when I like to dream of a woman or a man being a woman, dream of that type that could make me scream with delight, lately, frequently, I return to one afternoon, at the end of the 1980's, in a gloomy, but colorfully cluttered, and cozy, shadowy low lit cool tenderloin flophouse room, where there lived and sitting there relaxed upon her bed, a handsome dark skinned ample bodied Latina, presenting herself as a Dominatrix She was coiffed in a dense shaggy bob of wavy black hair, that cascaded down the sides of her beautiful face to her thick silky tight skinned neck. She was casually dressed, all in black though covered all over, like a full length robe. She sat up on her bed. I imagine, in the spirit with which we had become acquainted and she had invited me to visit, quite likely she was open to a boy like me giving her head. Or, riding her, For certainly, as a dominatrix, wouldn't she have liked a boy the likes of me serving her, doting over, adoring her, strip tease dancing for her, worshiping her, massaging her all over, sucking her toes and licking and kissing both her whole feet, and ankles, ... knees, behind her knees, that sort of dimple crease where big butt cheeks meet and drape over wide thighs, ... a tongue bath, mouth watering, or avocado or almond oil enhanced french kissing licking asshole rimming loving, cock sucking , deep throat, showing grateful exuberant delight for the mouthful of her come I get to swallow. Might we get to know each other better when she needs to piss and golden showers me, this big girl pissing on my head and face and into my open hearted mouth, pissing heavy like a and me loving it and loving her, daily, for years. I am her slave her pet her enthralled lover, and I love to be and want to be. And when we, me and she, are feeling good and lucky she dresses me, barely, and collars and leashes me, and walks me, like I was her doggy, or kitty, or good little human boy fuck slut pet, she walks me down the street to her favorite bar, where she knows most of the other girls, boys and men who are also regulars there like she is, where she can have a drink, show me off, for what I'm worth, I will feel tickled with gratitude for that, and she gets a little healthy and happy social stimulation, in another otherwise grand but nebulously mysterious day.
I go back to that day, when I met that woman, and for all my sexual ambitions, once I got into her room, we both could feel that I wasn't fresh and energetically ready to go steady and hand myself over to be her lifelong love delight fun play toy, that I believe both of us wanted me to be. No, in fact it had been a long hot busy day for me, working, and I was cramming my visit with her in on a break from a job I had to get back to and finish the day working. So my sex fantasy driven visit with here, as magical and exotic as it was, wasn't at all realizable, mostly just because I had to get back to work, and go home and shower and eat and sleep and get up and go back to work again, to earn money I'd need to pay the cost of my relatively impoverished living. So committing to a very busy full life as a nonbinary sex slave, mostly naked, very bound, fucking and sucking and showering love and service most of every 24/7 going forward forever, really wasn't going to fit in with my already set schedule. oh yeah, reality check. So she and I talked. It was a nice conversation. We were both sound and sensible enough, to look and see what we could and how we could mean something very delightful to and for each other, if ... well if I really had the time, and some source of money that didn't require my spending most of my waking life committed to earning it. So we talked. She was adorable. And after about half an hour, I acknowledged that I had to get back to work and finish the day. And I whimsically suggested that I'd love to look her up again soon but also sadly conceded that I really didn't have the time to do much of the many things with her that came to mind. And then I went back to work. And I never saw her again. And these days, when I'm sitting home alone, quite comfortable and content, but feeling like just a little something or a lot of something special might be nicer... sometimes I think of this one. And then other things come up, and then I run out of time. But I'll always feel a pleasure when that girl comes to mind.
1 comment
Tove Lo
Posted:Jul 10, 2024 11:45 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2024 9:04 pm
1809 Views
this is Tove Lo, from Sweden, age 36.
I happened upon this girl while searching my music app.
seems like the world has come a long way since stonewall. Or actually has it been everywhere forever? But sometimes someone, Like Tove here, has a charming and or relatively shocking way to brandish it like its all new and never beheld before, on front street.
Thanks Tove Lo for letting me know, I too can own a golden dildo

4 Comments
saloon
Posted:Jun 23, 2024 11:10 pm
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2024 8:32 pm
2660 Views

I walked into a neighborhood downtown saloon in the middle of a warm early summer afternoon, when my job I had been on, had not been too time consuming, or demanding.
Although, still, my body was well worked out, mildly worn, and well stretched, from some laboring. My clothes and my skin had been subjected to some little bit of sweat, but now felt dry and dusty.
In the back of my mind was a faint persistent wishing I could get myself into a shower, naked, drenched wet and refreshed, And jack off and blow a load.
I walked into the bar and I sat myself down alone, in the middle of a row of mostly empty stools, except for just a few where there sat a few men, most of them also on their own, in the afternoon, relaxing in the quiet and shadows of the long narrow cool room .
I can recall now in hindsight, noticing one man being particularly handsome, having a big broad chested, broad shouldered broad backed body. A Daddy, draped contentedly up off the stool over the bar. I noticed him, for sure but with no remarkable thought occurring to me at that moment I first noticed him, that I was soon to be fully overtaken with delightful state in my mind of a constant passionate wanting to have more of his whole body all over me his cock, his wild bucking orgasm his come , inside my ass and inside my mouth, morning, noon and night, and later every morning, every afternoon and all night. The next unload never too soon, countless hard ons impaling me for months to come. I found myself time after time, so easily, feeling unbound pleasure to be spreading my legs opening my mouth puckering my lips extending my tongue. And when I got The feel, the touch of him in my hands and up on my arms, embracing and hugging him, Oh the love I felt and experience in my head and my heart,,, I don't think anyone or any other experience in my life had been bigger or more warm or more beautiful And even with the heavens exploding open for me for so many days and nights, and even when it wasn't so awesomely exhilarating, I was forever delighted by what a big and majestically handsome cock daddy presented, for me to both love and contend with.
3 Comments
one breath
Posted:Jun 17, 2024 11:13 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2024 12:06 am
3086 Views


Monday April .... June 17, 2024, 1023 pm.
was trying to get to taking just one breath in a minute. I might have achieved a little less than two. It's good. Breathe deep. Breathe in as much as possible, get air into as much muscle as possible, aerate the tension, release the tension.
Thinking also about beautiful women I just can't have. Maybe. There are beautiful women I think I'd love to fuck, and or make love to, be close to, intellectually and emotionally intimate with, who I believe I probably will never have any such intimacy.
Is there a law of the universe? Do I only really get one love? Do I maybe get two? Some people seem to have several. Maybe they don't get deep, and or real, quality, cosmic infinite god sent inspired love.. or maybe they do, dozens of times, or countless amounts, of love and lovers. How would I know? I come from a loveless .... a relatively loveless, family household. Love light. Like light beer, Light rock. Lite. Why? Why God, Why? More trace of evidence to suggest that the God we have had described to us, or is it just me?, is not the real god.
What is the real god? Will the real god allow me numerous lovers? countless lovers?: dozens? hundreds? thousands? millions? infinite endless love? infinite endless lovers? My god, the one God I've had described to me, he, that god, would.
but while I consider it valid to contend that he is not best to identify as he; a man, always wearing the same; abundant throw of bed sheeting-like as clothing, always seated in that square marble chair. Well it's because he must be content up there, in the clouds in the sky. But when and how and why might I identify God as a woman, neither, or both or non binary, god the trans, in chiffon and spandex, or not even looking like a human, and not forever seated in a chair, in the air, but everywhere, as is also suggested, God is everything. Is God, not male, ah... male and female, neuron and electron, light and darkness, all and nothingness. What is nothingness? And if God is every every every thing, no need to capitalize the title, and do what we all feel and or fathom what we most should and or want to do.
digressing:
But why, then, do sometimes, and tonight specifically do I get this feeling, that I might really only get one lover, and one love? Albeit it would be one lifelong, or, and/or, eternal love/lover.
Maybe because I'm not very good at love, and I can't have a second until I've done one , the first one, the way it should be done. If I "love" but love badly, other, "girls", women, lovers, can see, intuitively, feel, that I'm not a good lover. They won't want the "love" I want. But I don't want bad love. But do I need to know what good love is?:
I think I need to think. It would be like going for a drive, like maybe in the countryside. I mean, I've got to set my sights right. I've got to decide which direction to go to get to the countryside. If I don't pay attention to where I'm driving, I might end up nowhere near the countryside, but gone to the other side, the wrong side, into alleyways of stark concrete and metal buildings, where the sun is seldom shining. I've got to set my mind, my sights on the destination I think is most pleasing. Life can be a pleasure. Living is often pleasing without my making any effort to direct myself to the pleasure. But life can also be dreary. I should consider where my mind is heading.
At every second, from now on. Love is my goal. Or should I set my sights on contentment as a base, with happiness, joy, fun, and love as goals also, that may not always be immediately easily possible, every minute, every second. But comfort, and contentment, should be expected. Yes? Well. I will seek. Comfort, contentment, happiness, fun, love. And handsome girls, sexy curves, in leather, with brilliant minds and always effortlessly channeling joy. After all, they're always there, everywhere.
1 comment
confession
Posted:Jun 16, 2024 12:01 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2024 9:57 am
3349 Views

I am walking in the parking lot of my workplace, and one of my favorite customers of the last half dozen years who I have a crush on, pulls in. We apparently have a moment alone. I try to look around and see all the area that surrounds us. I say to her, " I want to say something. I think you know, or kind of know, or it makes sense to you that I have a crush on you. I believe I gaze upon you... adoringly... every time you come in to this place of business. Do you know that? Or, does my telling you this, like, make sense, or ring with some ... truth?" "Yes." She says. She pauses, her eyes shift sideways, as if to look out at a distant spot in the sky. She says, "I think when I first started coming here, some handful of years back, I could see that you really liked, ... me, or at least the sight of me, .... and we seemed to ... click. It was ... a bit..." her eyes drifted sideways again, as if seeking for heavens in the distance again. There was a glint, a squint, a sparkle, a smile and a subtle bite of the side of her lower lip. she said "it was kind of exciting, ... what's that word? I felt like you were turned on, and seeing you looking turned on with me certainly got me turned on. " She paused to consider what more she might say. She is always gracious, and graciously sexy, whether she was speaking or silent. She is always charismatic, charming, lovely. she says, "I .... I loved.... that I was , that even maybe if it just seemed like I was a turn on to you. And I, ... I mean I'm a lot older than you, so I had to imagine that , well sure, I'm cute, I've always gotten attention for being a very attractive woman, especially when I was much younger. So I, ... it was easy for me to .... feel like I get it, I've seen it enough, a guy who finds me hot. I've seen it enough that why not, why would it not be possible, Sure, I still see it in even at my age, although, it's a lot more rare. And, when I saw you apparently looking at me, and, ... looking , well, turned on, I mean, you're young, but not outrageously so much younger than me, but young, and cute. Well, I didn't mind entertaining the very pleasant thought, 'is it possible?, could I have a twenty something years younger boyfriend here? And I tried... to keep sensible and not get carried away, thinking this was on, me and you. I tried to downplay what I saw when I walked in on you and saw you light up as you looked at me, " ... she paused to ponder that. " but you kept doing it, and you seemed ... openly, amorous... I began to .. fall for you. And I must say, I still love the way you behave toward me. Although I think its kind of not alright, for you to privately sort of dote over me, ... at least it seems like you do, and then not actually make a play on me, or whatever, hit on me, proposition me, open up and share how you find yourself as into me as you appear to be. " She leaned back on her car, looking at me. "So, what ,. to what do we owe your approaching me right now?" Do you want to hit on me at last? She paused and gazed. "Or do you want to just confess, so that you feel better, yourself, and then return to maintaining your safe distance, and continue to gaze, fondly upon the sight of me? And never take me to dinner, never ride off with me into the sunset, never spend the night together. Another moment in quiet thought. Her eyelids squeezing with calculation as she pitches her elegant glistening blue eyes at me like bullets. "Do you, have you ever jacked off, thinking of me?" Our eyes are locked on each other, although I can also see and am loving her ample curves going all the way down to her bare ankles. I see her eyes crackle with spirit like light from inside her mind, and her heart, and I believe that sparkle is her determining that she has hit a nail on a head. If you have jacked off, at the thought of me, and now, here you are wanting to confess, or make, amends, or break bread, or ... make something right, or bond, with me, and you have jacked the f.. jacked off, and I think I can see by that mischievous look... all over you," she smiles broadly but the broad bright white smile subsides into a confident relaxed smile within her glowing bold beautiful face, and her head nods subtly forward and back and forward right at me, almost as if she's readying to head butt... somebody, "I want you to confess that to me." Another thought comes across her mind and her eyes wag wildly, swiftly, in some humility, to one side, a puckered smile on her luscious lips. "if you've never jacked off to me, lie." With the word lie, spoken, her brow furrows and she waves a hand, palm down, sideways, as if sweeping something away. I tell her, "I've jacked off to you." She looks and looks at me, silently, searching for the next slice of lucid poignant thought. I move to speak, to look for some words, I am anxious and stifled, but feel I might succeed with something if I just start to blurt. " I , I . ... I want to spend time with you, ... I want to kiss you, I want to make love... we can start... with a back rub, or maybe we can start with dinner, or a grand tour for all the best tacos, around, or,... crab, or whatever you like, I'm pretty good in the kitchen too,... she says, "I like the back rub idea, ... and I say, "and walks in the sunset," She; "Sunrise?" Me; "well, .. okay... you said sunset, ... I don't get up at the crack of dawn too often, but ... anything" ... "yes" she snaps, "anything. Anything I want is everything I want. I want you to shower upon me, ... and shower with me, but, indulge me, from now on, like those, gazes, those endless love struck gazes you... amaze me with, that will probably diminish once you've gotten me naked. But you have jacked off to me and then kept on imbibing the sight of me the sound and the smell of me, probably, almost certainly to entertain and turn yourself on some more. Are you turned on now? The challenge is , can you keep feeling turned on? And maybe back rubs will be key, ..... and foot rubs, and my knees, and my bellybutton... you can spend an extended time kissing, and licking, my bellybutton and my tummy and, the more time you spend the more you will appreciate the tender human being I am that you've be superficially doting over for the past seven years. Promise me everything, anything, and I will develop your capacity to love everything and anything, as well as yourself. I ask her, "Do you want to marry me?" She capriciously demurs. "eh, maybe". her eyes sparkle. I ask, "Would you be okay, if I asked you to make me wear, like a cat collar, around my balls, and, you could have a leash." She lets out a quiet one chuckle and minutely shakes her head, "I don't know so much about that" she says. "Ooh but, I might like you with a nice fat gold ring pierced through the head of that bad boy little jack off dick of yours. Cause it's mine now isn't it?" "Yes, it is" I tell her. A thought dawns on her, she says, "I can imagine, now, that I might have to keep you captive, until I've broken you of that insidious selfish little primate that you are, and turned you into a captive of your love, a real love, that I am going to introduce you to. It's all right here, she says with a grin, running a pointing finger slowly in a circle around her tummy, and then drifting her pointing finger up high to her heart, and then down." I say to her, "I love you". She says, "You don't love me yet like you're going to. I think you will. Maybe we'll go ahead and get you that cat collar, ... and how about the pierced cock ring?" I say, "okay, yeah, okay." She looks at me with widened eyes. she asks, "Anything?" . I say, "Anything"
3 Comments
comix
Posted:Jun 14, 2024 11:07 pm
Last Updated:Jun 17, 2024 11:18 pm
2919 Views
.... .....
1 comment

To link to this blog (kheaven) use [blog kheaven] in your messages.