Being a surviver,
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Postad:12 februari 2024 3:53 am
Senast Uppdaterad:13 februari 2024 3:19 am 7392 besök
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Being a figther,
what does that mean, in daily living.
It means, when i am walking the street, or on my bike, to go to a shop or friends, or what ever,
i am always checking my surroundings, allways, left, right, back, centre.
It come natural for me.
That way, i can 'see' trouble coming my way even before they know it.
Há
Once, i was walking to the centre of this place, it was nice weather.
I did this scanning thing, and i saw a group of 4 guys walking my way,
they were taking the whole sidewalk in, no place for anyone else
Just trying to provocate someone, to challenge them...
So, way before they see me, and target mé, i already saw their strategy.
I dont get off the sidewalk, for just about anyone,
(unless it is an elderly person)
so i just walk on, target "the leader"with my look and walk on....
They made room for me, way before they were even near me.
Thát is all.
It is semi conscious, that i do this.
I dont provocate anyone, i rather walk away from conflicts.
i dont fight fair.
And now that i have become somehow ?  almost an "elderly"  amp;  woman,
Those folks dont bother me, anymore, leave me alone.
You must know, when to avoid or to go full force in.
The good things from an extremely bad upbrining! 
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11
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Once, Pack mentality,
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Postad:11 februari 2024 6:34 am
Senast Uppdaterad:12 februari 2024 3:23 am 7296 besök
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I lived in a very rough neighbourhood....
My neighbour was a very polite, very decent young woman.
She did not even know, how to curse.... or get angry....
Allways soft spoken and friendly, to all our neighbours.
( that was not smart, because the junk neighbours allways target her, for a break in)
There where two children, around, their mother "worked" at night... cough
so, those kids run around on the street,
always making havoc.
trying to steal and break things.
So, one day, they came in to my garden, i did not really had a fence..
You could just step over it, so low..... laughs....
So, they start eating out of my garden.
I see them, come outside and they run.
so i wait, untill they came back, wich they did.
I told them, i dont mind if you eat out of my garden.
That is alright, there is enough, but if you break something, i am going to break you!
DO you understand!
They recognised the language from home, so they did.
After that, they were the best of friends with me, and i always told them,
my strawberries are ripe, you can come and eat them.
My very nice, very civilised next neighbour, was not able to talk in their language and they targetted her time and time again.
She stood there, in her garden, crying,
Those boys laughed at her.
Untill i told them, i would kick them, to death, if they ever tried to pester her, again.
That was the language they understood,
respected even, how sad it may sound.
I also tried to tell that neighbour, she needed to get a bit more rough, if she wanted to survive in this neighbourhood.
Make her bounderies known, to those kids...
she was not able to learn... alas...
You have to learn, or act that way, as if you know their language, and speak it!
And mean it!!
it is a pack mentallity.
they will break you down and laugh while doing so...
Meet them, on their level.
That is how you survive, when confronted with such a pack mentallity.
If you act like the alpha, they respect you.
It is all soo very primitive.
even when it is play acting, for you.
I was never really angry with those boys, i recognised, they did not get any decent upbringing, you could not blame them....
In winter time, they walked the streets bare foot... no shoes....
So, what can i say...?
It was a rough neighbourhood.
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15
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Yesterday,
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Postad:8 februari 2024 2:17 am
Senast Uppdaterad:10 februari 2024 11:03 pm 6782 besök
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Was a great day, there was some sunshine.
I decided to go to my little village and buy some real great chocolate.
and visit the mill again, to buy some more honey.
It was a lovely bike ride, the sun came out, she even gave off some warmth...
I was happy, later on, on the bike ride back, i did decided to sit somewere in the forest.
and eat some, while bathing in the sun.
it was great!!
The mill was closed, there was a little shop, nearby, who also sold the real good honey,
so i bought the honey there.
The litte farm did not have my favorite choco, but a different kind, that was good, too.
Today, it is freezing cold, sighs......
There we go again, three layers of any kind of clothing, covering every part of my face and body, again, and so on and so on....
They, the weathermen and women, 'promised' us, we will get some snow, too!
Gosh!!
 
Yeah, i know, it is technically speaking, still winter.... 
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15
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My sister and i,
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Postad:2 februari 2024 1:26 am
Senast Uppdaterad:8 februari 2024 2:06 am 8155 besök
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We do look like twin sisters.
We laugh the same way.
same kind of wild curly hair,
eye colour.
We are also very, very different in other ways, ofcourse.....
When *he* finally died, she called me, and asked me if i could come,
Ofcourse i could, told my work, i have to be with my sister, i already told them, there will be a funeral or something like that, in the near future...
She told me, he is still in the house, in his couffin...
Shudders
I really, truly hope to never ever have to witness thát again!
Untill his last moments, and even in his death, he demanded his way....
It is a very small house, there is no spare room, you can to go,
him lying there in the livingroom..
Being very much present.
Even in his death, not ever considering his wife, and her feelings,
how she has to cope with this....
It says it all!
My sister and i, we did have some conversation about their marriage and his behaviour,
but it being all too fresh, so to say.....
was most of the time, too much, for my sister.
she was just in shock! for days, walking around like a zombi.....
That talk came later on.
we also did laugh a lot,
cooked together, did some shopping, taking a walk, to just be outside.
going on the bikes,
To get out of that house....
She came with some revalations, wich i only could confirm..
Again and again.
That made it easier, i think, for my sister to really see in what kind of a shape their "marriage" really was....
Wich made it easier, again, for her, to make disicions, change things, throw things out, and so on...
I dont sugar coat, i say things as i see them, or i dont say anything at all
I practised that last part very much, during my stay at my sisters place...
I saw her struggle with the new reality, trying to find her ground, in all this.
I also dont like hypocrisy......
I had a hard time, at the cremation ceremony .........
Knowing, me saying things, would not help her, at that moment in her shock.
She has to do things her way.
My way works best for me, not for her, at all.
And sometimes my way, works best, when i want to shock people out of their comfort zone.
I enjoy doing that... 
Sometimes, that helps people open their view, mindseye.. sometimes, not so.....
Aah, well, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose
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18
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The funeral, actually, the cremation is over now,
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Postad:31 januari 2024 11:26 am
Senast Uppdaterad:8 februari 2024 11:38 am 7694 besök
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I am back at my own place and soo terrible tired,
emotional overload and all that.....
so i wont be writing much, for now.....
All is well, as well can be, see the cirmunstances....
For my sister.....
And me.....
take care, keep warm and try to be happy... content.....
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24
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This week,
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Postad:21 januari 2024 8:47 am
Senast Uppdaterad:21 januari 2024 12:47 pm 8619 besök
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The weather was somewhat better, so i decided to go to my workplace again.
There was snowy ice everywhere, so i walked some parts of the route.
nowwhere in sight, was anything remote looking like snow plowers, to get the bike paths clean!
NO where to be found!!
That pissess me off!
The car routes where all very clean, but the bike route?
Not so much, at all!
It was nice to be back at work
The Christmas trees needed to be domolished!
And put away.
So, that was what i did.
Talked to this one guy, he told me storys!!
My Oh My!
Some people did not get any change in life, just because their "parents" ......
well, anyway, most men there have the mental capacity of a three year old....
The cause and effect of their behaviour is not something that they know about....
or know how to deal with it...
responsibility, compassion?
One flew over the cuckoos nest, i assume you all know that movie?
I am telling you... that is what it is there, and then the lite version...
The staff is, so far, very good in calculation, who is capable, to deal with the kind of randomity that is around that place.
My friend Ronald was not there, has been sick, all week...
Being sick, in there, can mean all kind of things, booz or drugs related ...
Talked some with this one staff member, he explained some of the work schedules and some of the cleints/patients, there...
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5
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You would think, i am going to travel world wide?
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Postad:21 januari 2024 8:20 am
Senast Uppdaterad:22 januari 2024 1:33 am 7746 besök
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My brother in law is gone walk about, or, if you believe in it,
gone to heaven.
This week is the cremation, my sister asked me if i would come to her place, for some days.
Ofcourse i will.
I am already planning the bus route....,
You would think i am going to travel the world, but it is only in the backlands!
Of Holland!!
Whahaha.
My god!!
Going to see all those littlle villages again, the bus will stop at almost every tree in sight!
Whahahahha
Anyway, that part is covered.
Going to stay a few days, see how my sister is doing, holding on.....
The one thing, that bothers me, is, i cant ask friends to feed my stray cat, because they have to come into my house and maybe go roaming around,
seeing things, that are no good, for them.....
Because, well, they are nosy, ... want to know....
Because they cant figure me out.....
But, if they find out!?
They then get mad at me, for their nosyness....
( happened before)
being shocked about the bdsm particles they might find ( out) about....?
Sm art on the bedroom wall, and things like that.. whips hanging around....?!
Sighs...
So, finger crossed, the cat will survive and comes back, when i am back.....
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14
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It wont take months, my sister said....
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Postad:15 januari 2024 2:40 pm
Senast Uppdaterad:21 januari 2024 7:58 am 8706 besök
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Her husband is home.
In the hospital they finally decided, they cant get any money out of treatment any more,
so, they send him home, he also said, i want to die in my own house.
The thing is, they live in a very, very small elderly house.
There is no extra spare bedroom.
they have a small attic, but the care person is staying there, sleeping there too, 24/7.
There is no extra room, so my sister cant recharge herself,
She is constantly, 24/7 in the midst of his ailments, he coughing, his.... every part of him being sick and dying...
She cant take a pauze, or break, it are not nice weathers, so she also cant go outside for a walk or something.
Her whole house and household has been taken over by the care for her husband..
And i do understand that she wants to do this last bit for him,
i do....
I only see that she is not nearly keeping this all together, for herself...
Her daughters are around, the whole day too, coming and going,
Have to take care for their children and husbands too...
I stay away, it is too much already, for my sister.
If they dont take care of her, this could be killing her, too.....
He has cancer everywhere.
breathing does not go well, pain everywhere.....
he is well taken care of...
When people come in that last phase, their skin gets a totall other colour, and they are smelling different, too...
I think he is already in that phase.......
I dont dare to ask this, because, well, they maybe think, iam rude to talk about it, in that manner...
But, to me, that are just the facts.
You cant sugarcoat the last phase anymore
it is what it is!
Maybe, if i asked this one daughter, that she will understand....
It also a way , to prepare them, for what is coming...
Aah, maybe i should just shut my big mouth and let it all happen...?
i dont know...?
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31
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Solution?
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Postad:12 januari 2024 7:50 am
Senast Uppdaterad:15 januari 2024 2:23 pm 9880 besök
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Because i dont go outside, when it is extreem cold....
The staff thought it would be a good idea, that sour man, pick me up, from my house,
So i could come to work on the bikes, again...
Really?
So, i told them; Nah, i dont think so.....
They did not understood why i refused...their offer...
Really??
Sighs....
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18
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Satisfyer?
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Postad:10 januari 2024 12:21 pm
Senast Uppdaterad:12 januari 2024 7:16 am 10329 besök
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This morning, on the national radio, this DJ was talking about this sex toy for women.
Yeah!
This is Holland, you know!!
It was on radio 10, i like this DJ very much, he also hates this climate and then some....
He is nice, makes a a great show.
They all were very giggly , giggly about this toy.
I dont know this toy.
It seems this toy works on air... ? and a sucking device....?
he asked his audience, to tell about their experience with this toy!
Some women did, and are very happy with this toy....
Because it is more focussed on the female anatomy....?
There was this one woman, who said; my man is my satisfyer......
Some men reacted too, being a bit upset, that women wont "need" them
anymore, with this new toy....
Yeah.....
Well, since the sex for most men is totally focussed on their dicks, the penatration..
that might be the case, for them....
There is more to sex, then just put your sausage in there...?!
Anyone on here, who experienced this toy?
it seems to be focussed on the clit..... ?
As if every woman, wants that body part being "tortured"?
I found it very funny, they were soo nervous, talking about this....
As if they were afraid, they become totally useless, when women buy this toy...
If you dont take the time to learn about the/ her female anatomy?
It is not one size fits all, boys!
Yeah.....
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