timid slut
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Posted:Jun 12, 2023 2:22 am
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2023 10:41 pm 2506 Views
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in celebration of Pride Month, i wanted to share my sexual history, because i have been closeted my whole life. i still am in fact. but i also realize that i have been closeted within the gay community as well. because even after i accepted that there was nothing wrong with people being gay, i still had this shameful feeling that there was something wrong with the the way that *i* was being gay.
but i have come to understand that we are all unique in our experience of sexuality and gender and desire and kink. and just because you haven't heard your story told a thousand times before, doesn't mean its not worth telling.
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am i into black guys?
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Posted:Jun 11, 2023 12:33 am
Last Updated:Jan 20, 2024 5:00 pm 3481 Views
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after being with my new Dom for the first time, i found myself getting turned on by Black guys. i was watching more porn with Black Men and white girls, or girls getting gangbanged by a bunch of Black guys. and i already knew that the main reason i still watch straight porn is because i like to imagine myself as the girl in the video.
and now i was watching Black on white sex almost exclusively. in fact i was scrolling back through the starlets that i liked and finding that i was turned off by girls who had never shot with a Black Man. i kept wondering what's wrong with her? she's been in the industry long enough to shoot 60 sex scenes. and no one's ever asked her to fuck a Black Man? not likely. what's her issue?
on the other hand i found myself super attracted to a girl whose "first time" videos showed that she was very reluctant to take a BBC, but then her career after that was almost entirely rough sex with Black Tops. like something had snapped after she'd had her first Black Cock and now she couldn't get enough.
and beyond just living vicariously thru the female experience, i found that i was starting to become physically attracted to the Men in those videos. i had never been attracted to Men physically before. i am turned on by Dominance in a Man, but the male body itself did nothing for me. most of the time it kind of grossed me out. Men are rough and hairy and sweaty and ugly. in part that's what made being with one such a humiliating act of submission.
but now i found myself admiring the shape of a Black Man's ass and how it clenched when He thrust himself into a pussy. or a set of rock hard abs that meant he could fuck for a long long time. the muscles of his back or his legs or his arms made me horny.
i found a series of videos that focused exclusively on the Man. the girl was hardly in the frame at all as she oiled him up and kissed and licked and sucked every inch of his body. and i couldn't stop watching.
even more telling, i found that i was able to watch gay porn for the first time in my life. i had tried several times. part of me thought i needed to force myself to watch gay porn just to get myself use to the sights and sounds of masculine sexuality. but i just couldn't do it. the men were simply not attractive to me and there was just something so vulgar and unsexy about two men humping each other.
but now i could watch a video all the way through if it was a Black Dom topping a hairless white twink. there was part of me that still got a little queasy watching any ass fucking. but i loved watching the way a Black Top moved when He was fucking a bottom. and the naughty contrast of a dark Dick moving in and out of a hairless white hole or mouth was very erotic.
for the first time in my life, i was watching porn that looked like what my Lover and i must look like when we were having sex.
was i into Black guys now? i mean clearly the answer was yes. but why was that? was it wrong? was there some racial component to my attraction that i should be worried about?
i had never really had any opinions about Black Men one way or the other before now. but a lot of that was because, like a lot of little white girls, i had just never been around people of a different races for most of my life.
i had heard the rumor that Black guys had big Cocks of course. which was apparently true based on my sample size of one. but i didn't really have any other ideas about them. and all of the racist garbage i ever heard just sounded like nonsense. i kind of felt like that old star trek episode had the right idea. the one where they find a planet of people who were white on one side and black, but still had racism among them based on whether they were a righty or a lefty.
i knew my new Dom was Black long before i met Him, because i had seen His profile photo, but it never really crossed my mind that i was flirting with a Black guy during the weeks we spent chatting and phone sexing as a lead up to our first time together.
but now that He had come to my home and used me in my bed, there was something in me that really *liked* the fact that i had been with a Black Man. and kind of hoped i might not ever be with anyone else. He had already put more cum in me than every other Man i had ever been with combined. there was something so hot about that.
but i was still concerned that there might be some underlying reason for my sudden lust for Black Cock that i should worry about. or at least be aware of, so i could know whether it was wrong to want to be gangbanged by a Black Man and his friends as the halftime entertainment at a superbowl party.
FYI, He had to postpone our second time together because it was the superbowl and i spent the whole weekend wishing i was there sucking His Cock in front of everyone.
i thought about it for a long time, and searched my feelings, lusting for Him the whole time. and what i came to realize was that it wasn't about race exactly, but about all the ways our bodies were different in general and what that said about me.
our skin color was different obviously, but also our size and the way we dressed and acted. He was big and muscular and strode down the street like an athlete. i was small and unmasculine and shuffled along like a timid accountant. He made me feel weak and feminine just by standing next to me. if you saw us together, you wouldn't think we were equals. He was obviously the boss and i was obviously walking two steps behind Him with my eyes fixed on the ground.
and if you somehow figured out it was because we were lovers, you would never assume that i was the top and he was the bottom. or even that we were switches, with Him fucking my pussy with His Big Cock then flipping it around so i could top him with my little one.
no, if you saw us as a couple, you would have to assume that He was all Top all the time and i was His little bitch. and that meant that you knew at a glance that i sucked Cock and i let Him fuck me in any position He wanted, for as long as He wanted, and as hard as He wanted.
i realized that He turned me on so much, not just because He had turned me into a submissive fuck slut, but being with Him sent an additional flutter of fear through my submissive heart because it felt like the whole world knew it too.
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once you go black
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Posted:Jun 10, 2023 8:59 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 6:11 pm 5473 Views
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when He stepped into my apartment and closed the door behind Him, the first thing He did was ask if He could use the bathroom. He had been driving for an hour and needed to pee. while He was doing that, i slipped out of my shoes and stripped off the shirt and pants that i had put on to go outside and answer the door. so when He came out of the bathroom, i was standing there naked except for the lingerie i had picked out for Him. lacy black panties, black stockings and a garter belt, with a lacy black half corset that tucked in my tummy, but left my nipples and my titties exposed.
He came right to me and kissed me and started playing with my nipples, which of course turned me on and immediately made me short of breath, panting like a little dog. He liked seeing how easily He aroused me and started making out with me there in the entryway. His muscular arms around me, his big hands cupping my ass.
instead of a thong, i was wearing jock strap style panties so that my ass and pussy were completely exposed. it gave me that vulnerable feeling of knowing that, even though we were still only at the kissing stage, we both knew that there was absolutely nothing between my clean shaven pussy and whatever He wanted to do with it.
His strong hands gripped both ass cheeks like He owned them, kneading my buttocks and spreading them apart so His long fingers could slide all the way up to my tender softness. i moaned into His lips as He continued to kiss me.
He had told me that He really enjoyed kissing and i could expect long make out sessions. i was a little nervous because i'd never really kissed a Man before and i was quickly discovering that it wasn't the same as kissing a girl.
there are a lot of things about sex that you don't really think about how different it is for the Man than for the woman. intercourse is an obvious example of something that younger guys assume that anything that feels good for him must feel good for her too. its not until you have been used like a woman that you realized how not at all similar the two experiences are.
but kissing was something that i always just assumed was completely egalitarian. but now that i was making out with my new Dom for the first time, i found that i needed to learn a new way of using my mouth to please a lover. in the past when i dated girls, kissing was just massaging her tongue with mine and trying to shove it as far down her throat as i could. but that didn't work with a Man who was trying to do the same thing.
much like being fucked by a Man, being kissed by Him meant letting Him be aggressive with you and submitting to His penetrations and doing everything in your power to make Him feel like He owned that part of you. i wouldn't call myself an expert, but on short notice, the best i could figure was to lick at His lips like a little kitten, and then anytime He slid his tongue into my mouth, i thirstily sucked and caressed it with my own lips mouth and tongue.
He seemed to enjoy it, because He told me i was a good kisser, then spanked me on the ass and ordered me into the bedroom.
i showed Him that i had laid out towels over the sheets and blankets and i hoped that wasn't too unsexy. He said, "I think it's safe", as he removed his clothing and laid back on the bed for me to give Him a blowjob.
up until then it hadn't even crossed my mind that i was about to be with a Black Man. i'm not saying i'm one of these people who "doesn't see color", but it just wasn't relevant. kissing Him was like kissing any other guy. His hands groping me were like any other hands. His eyes piercing me made me feel weak and helpless, but not because of his race. even staring at His skin close up as i ran my tongue along His inner thigh, really didn't seem that much different than my own skin color. but that Cock!
it was definitely a Black Man's Cock staring me in the face. for one thing it was enormous. bigger than any white penis i had ever seen, even in porn. to be honest it was bigger than most Black penises i'd seen in porn. it must have been 10 inches! and it was thick. not super thick like a coke can, but still wider than any penis i'd ever seen in person.
the shaft of His Cock was a deep chocolatey brown, but the scrotum was almost black. and each ball was a mouthful. i know because i had to take them one at a time when i nuzzled my face into His groin and started licking and sucking His balls. He groaned in pleasure as i gave each of them a hungry worshipping, then slowly licked my way up the length of His manhood, being sure to wet every inch of Him with my tongue, until i got to the tip and took Him into my mouth. i eagerly suckled the thick cockhead for a long time, moaning gratefully, while i tried to figure out how i was going to get this whole huge Cock into my mouth.
i tried to deep throat Him, but i was still very inexperienced at it, so even when i tried to take it slow and relax, i found myself gagging when it hit the back of my throat. every time i gagged, though, He told me that He liked that sound and to keep trying. so i choked myself repeatedly on His Cock, knowing that i sounded like a total , but flattered that He wanted to see me that way.
eventually He had me lie flat on my stomach and He took some lube from the night stand and worked it up into me. then He lowered His whole body onto me and started to fuck me bareback from behind.
it was not as painful as i thought it would be. maybe because i had been stretching my pussy in preparation for this, or maybe because my past Master didn't use enough lube. but it was no worse than my dildo. i realized with a slutty flutter of pleasure that i would be able to take this Cock for as long as He wanted to use me.
i lay there sandwiched between my plush comforter and His comforting body completely engulfed and immobile, just feeling every inch of my pussy being fully used for the first time. the only discomfort was that His penis was so long that sometimes His thrusts felt like He was pounding against the wall of my stomach. but other than that it was just a feeling of complete fullness and contentment.
after awhile He had me turn over onto my back so He could fuck me face to face. missionary position wasn't as romantic as i always thought it would be. i guess that's another thing where the male and female experience are very different.
a Man has complete control of the speed and force of His thrusts and is able to adjust the angle to whatever will give Him the perfect stroke or the most pleasure.
meanwhile the woman squashed underneath Him has very little freedom of movement and is having a little trouble breathing from the weight of a Man twice her size pressing down on her chest and stomach. especially if she was already hyperventilating with passion from the moment He walked in the door. pinned under your Man and barely able to move, you really only have two options. lie there and take it. or strain to keep your pussy tilted upward so He can pound it even harder
and a Man staring down into the doe eyes of his submissive girl has something pretty and sexy to look at. seeing the expressions on her face as he Dominates her pussy can be a huge turn on that arouses Him to fuck her even longer.
but when a girl gazes up at her Lover, his expression can be more intimidating than attractive. when He has you impaled on His throbbing Cock, you're thinking less about how handsome He is and more about how Powerful He is, and how easily He could wreck your pussy.
i am painfully shy in real life and can barely make eye contact with a Man in person. usually i have to avert my eyes or stare at the floor when a Man is talking to me. but face to face like this, and so close that there is nowhere else to turn, it feels like His eyes are burning into you, reminding you that you are a slut. and you are His slut now.
and its hard to stay focused on the romance of the moment when you feel His sweat dripping into your eyes. or when He gets that glazed expression, like a Man doing pushups while trying to focus on the angle of His dick. it starts to fell less like love making and more like being banged.
it was in this position, gasping for breath, with his porn sized Cock pile driving into me, that i took his cum for the first time. i felt His whole body tense and then relax and the full weight of His body flopped down onto me, making it even harder to breathe. the length of His Cock was still inside me as we lay there, both of us shortwinded for different reasons. i realized that sex for a girl involved a lot of weight lifting.
i remembered reading something about women doing kegels for their lovers pleasure so i thought i would try it. squeezing my tight pussy around His softening member.
He moaned "What are you doing?" and i felt Him start to move again inside me, as i clenched and unclenched my pussy to massage His thrusting Cock.
He grabbed both of my ankles and lifted them all the way up by my ears so He could more forcefully fuck my upturned hole. it was a position i recognized from the many times i had used it on a girl, and i always thought it looked kind of sexy. but now that i was the bottom i understood there was nothing at all sexy about being interrupted in the middle of sex to have someone throw your legs over your shoulders or turn you upside down or bend you over an uncomfortable piece of furniture or roll you onto the wetspot.
i was starting to realize that being the woman was much more acrobatic than romantic
and it would have been impossible to focus on my own pleasure while i was being twisted around like a rag doll
He fucked me in several positions. sometimes on my back, sometimes on my side.
sometimes twisted completely around so He could kiss me on the mouth while fucking me from behind at the same time.
and no matter what uncomfortable position He put me in, i instinctively tilted my pelvis into an even more stressful position to give His Cock a deeper penetration
i was lying on my side with one leg completely outstretched and the other knee crunched all the way up to my chest while He straddle my leg and fucked me sideways that i felt Him cum a second time.
i wished that i could feel His load exploding inside me, but one of the disappointing things about taking a Man's semen is that you really can't feel it much at all.
sex for a Man always builds to a crashing orgasm, but sex for a woman usually ends while you are panting like a and your Man unexpectedly stops what He's doing and rolls over and falls asleep, leaving you feeling desperately horny and completely empty.
and aching for Him to fill you again.
i asked if He had cum, just to check, and He made me reach down and feel how slick His dick was while He continued to thrust it into me for a few more minutes. then He rolled over onto his back and made me suck Him off while He told me how much He enjoyed using my ass pussy.
He told me He knew He'd found a good one from talking to me on the phone, and He couldn't believe i tried to tell Him i was a "quiet one". this puzzled me, because i had hardly spoken a word since He came through my door. suddenly i realized with a blush of embarrassment that He meant that i made a lot of noise during sex.
i am not a screamer and i am too painfully shy to talk dirty, but from the moment a Man gets me turned on and i start panting uncontrollably, i am a constant source of gentle sound. i moan with every single thrust of His Cock, or gasp or groan or yelp in pain if He uses me more harshly. far from being a quiet girl who just lies there and takes it, i am constantly squirming under Him and giving my Man non stop moaning feedback on His performance. i might as well be screaming "yes! yes! yes!" the whole time, though i suspect He enjoys the constant sighing and whimpering even more. a Man who is fucking me always knows exactly how fast or how hard He can use me. my body is an open book, giving me away at every single moment that i am with a Man.
when i had sucked my Dom back to a full erection, He said "Hands and knees" and made me get into a very low hunch on the middle of the bed with my knees spread so far apart that i thought my hips were going to pop. then He climbed on top of me and fucked me to a third grunting cum. i couldn't believe this guy's stamina as He continued to slowly pump in and out of me even after He had finished. eventually i had to ask if i could move my hip, because it was hurting too much. but He was done by then and lifted himself off of me.
He lay beside me and asked for some grapes that i had set out at the bedside for him. He had me feed him some grapes. He talked about music and told me about his favorite artists while i curled against Him to listen and feel his warmth.
for a long time He told me about His hobbies and interest. and eventually He started playing with my nipples very hard, which made me very horny. i don't remember anything He said after that as i started to get lost in fog of lust.
He rolled me onto my stomach again and sat on my legs and began putting fingers in me very aggressively. first just one. and then i definitely felt two. when it seemed like He was up to three, i started to get scared.
i remembered that while we were talking on the phone earlier that week, my new Dom Daddy had mentioned that He liked fisting, but i didn't think much of it at the time. i figured that would be something for much farther down the road. my pussy was obviously way too tight for it right now.
i never really understood the appeal of fisting. i understood why a Man might like things that felt good on His penis or brought Him closer to orgasm, but fisting seemed like a lot of work for no reward. its not like a Man is going to cum from having His fist inside someone. and its obviously not going to give the bottom any pleasure. so what was the point? the few Doms i had talked to about said it was about the feeling of total control. but how much control can you really have when you're stuck with your hand up someone's butt? aren't you both kind of trapped there?
its not that i had any moral or ethical issues with fisting. i just didn't get it. but there were enough Doms who were into it that i sort of knew i would eventually have to submit to be fisted someday. but i just figured i would cross that bridge when i came to it.
but it felt like my Dom wanted me to cross that bridge right now! and there really wasn't much i could do about it. the full weight of his huge linebackers body was sitting directly on my thighs, pinning me to the bed. and His fingers were so far up inside me that it probably would have hurt me if i did anything but lie very still.
i turned my head toward Him and whimpered "are you going to fist me, Sir?" He just said "Yes" and worked my pussy even harder. i turned face down again and sobbed into my pillow. but when He clarified that He was going to train me first, that relieved me a little bit. until He told me that He already had got 4 fingers inside me.
i lay there flat on my stomach feeling Him vigorously working my pussy with almost His whole hand. His fingers easily penetrated and twisted in my slutty hole, which was already slick with his semen.
all i could do was lie there thinking "what kind of person lets someone do this to them?" "what kind of slut lets someone use them this way?" "why am i letting this happen to me?" over and over, feeling more and more worthless with every inch He slipped into me.
and then i felt something truly terrifying. as He continued to force of his thick fingers into me deeper than ever, i felt myself starting to get an erection. i was mortified.
when i was younger i was deathly afraid that someday a Man might be able to make me cum just by fucking me. i instinctively knew that if that ever happened i would never again be able to pretend that my penis had any role in my sex life whatsoever. it would permanently seal my fate as a gay bottom slut if a Man could give me sexual fulfillment just by taking His Cock.
but this was so much worse. if a Dom could make me climax just by fisting me, He really would control me. i would never be able to talk a Man out of fisting me if He thought that i "liked" it! i would probably have to submit to fisting from every Man who ever used me, and probably every single session until i was little more than a fist slut. i felt that my body had betrayed me again as i lay there thrembling and sobbing over and over into my pillow "why? why? why?" why did i want this? why was i like this? why was i such a filthy ?
when He was finally done stretching my hole, or maybe when He realized that i really was too tight to take His whole first on the first date, He lowered Himself down onto my back and whispered in my ear that He wasn't going to fist me until i asked Him to.
then He started fucking me again. He told me this was His favorite position, lying flat on top of me with my body flattened under Him. His long dick pounded against the wall of my stomach causing me to loudly grunt and spasm with every thrust, as i took His cum for the fourth time. while He was cumming i tried to squeeze His Cock with my pussy again and He moaned "Yeah, milk that" so knew He enjoyed it.
then we lay and chatted and listened to music for a while. or rather He chatted, i just listened to the rumble of His voice.
after awhile He started playing with my nipples very hard. much harder than before. He liked how it made me breathe and moan. He took his time as He built up, switching back and forth. then He had me lie on top of Him on my back to Him so He could reach around and torture both nipples at the same time, twisting and pulling and mauling them in a way that became excruciating.
i wanted Him to stop, but i knew i could never ask Him to do that. so i just laid on top of him, squirming like a slut and clutching His powerful thighs while i moaned and gasped. for at least half an hour He mauled me like that.
and then He had to leave. He had fucked me for 4 hours and needed to get back home.
i put on my shirt and pants so i could walk Him out to the gate. He kissed me in the doorway for anyone to see. and then He headed home.
as i walked back into the building, i started to feel cum leaking out of me from the 4 loads of semen He had given me. as i felt Him dripping down my leg, i should have felt dirty, but instead i felt proud. i had done a good job. i realized with a weird sense of acceptance that i was a cumslut. i had taken four loads of cum and it didn't even phase me. i didn't even hesitate. in fact, i realized that in hindsight, i had never failed to take a load from a lover. never spit when i could have swallowed. never tried to wash Him out of me when He was done with me.
i was still very inexperienced as a submissive, but i was learning so much every time. today i had learned that i was a cumslut. i was probably a fist slut. and i was Daddy's girl.
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worked up / worked out
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Posted:Jun 8, 2023 9:22 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 6:11 pm 4842 Views
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i frantically began cleaning my apartment. i almost never had visitors and i sometimes worked from home, so it was really more of a cluttered home office than a living space at this point.
i moved everything out of the bedroom that wasn't related to sex and i took everything down off the walls that might spoil the mood. the last thing i needed was to glance up and see my parents photo looking down at me while my new Dom was making me his bitch. there was nothing but a nightstand full of condoms and lube and a bed with lots and lots of clean pillows. i draped blankets over anything that was too big to move, like my desk.
and while i was doing all that He was calling me a couple times a day whenever He felt like it. i would jump out of my skin and my pulse would race every time the phone buzzed because i knew it was him.
He said he thought my voice sounded sexy, which is probably because it was barely a timid whisper, since i was practically hyperventilating any time i spoke with Him and could barely breathe. if He said anything sexy i would gasp for breath, which really turned Him on. He said he could tell he'd found a good one because i probably make a lot of noise during sex. which is probably a false impression. in fact that was one of the complaints i got from girlfriends when i used to date women was that i was completely silent during sex and didn't even grunt when i was cumming. and with Men i never even spoke most of the time because i am so painfully shy and not a good conversationalist. but my new Man liked to do all the talking anyway so he enjoyed hearing nothing from my end but the sound of me panting like a bitch in heat while He described all the ways He wanted to fuck me.
He said He wanted to be my Man and to own me and mark me as his property. i asked if i should call him Master. i didn't know if it was okay to call him that, since he was Black. He told me he preferred Sir or Daddy.
He told me He would only use me bareback. He wanted to put his seed in me. His piss in my throat and His load in my ass pussy was how He would mark me as His. i just gave up. despite my insistence on safe sex, my submissive nature meant that i had taken the raw Cock of every Man who had ever used me. i knew i wouldn't have the strength to argue with a Dom who could legitimately say that normal size condoms weren't big enough for Him. at least He was up front about it.
and He was pretty monogamous. He had a family so i knew He didn't want to get too crazy in His sex life. He told me He only ever had one sub at a time who He would sometimes use for years, but He would use them hard. His previous sub of over two years had just moved out of state and that's why He was looking for a new long term slut wife. i guess that made me feel safe with Him. a sweet gentle lover who would protect me like his property and use me harder and longer than i'd ever been used before?
i still wasn't completely comfortable with a Man fucking me in my own bed though, but i guess there was some consolation in knowing He would never intentionally try to out me. that would happen on its own anyway, if my neighbors saw Him coming and going with any regularity. the apartments in my building are too small to contain much more than a bedroom and a bath, so there was nobody having work meetings in the building. as soon as you saw someone let a stranger in the front gate and walk across the courtyard with them like it was a walk of shame, you knew who was fucking who.
He also wanted me to send him pictures. i resisted his request for a face pic, because i just don't trust our phones not to get hacked and end up with compromising pictures of me somewhere on the internet but i sent Him a booty shot of my pussy for his personal use.
then of course He liked it and wanted another and another. each day after spending hours on the phone with Him getting me worked up into a lustful frenzy, He would give me a photo assignment for that night, so He would have something to lust about the next day.
and it was hard because i still didn't know how to take a good picture with my phone. especially for a good pussy shot which usually need extra lighting and for me to hold the phone at a weird angle while i craned my neck over my shoulder to try to see if the hole was in frame. i would spend an hour every night contorted into exhausting positions with all of my hottest lamps focused on my ass just to get Him one shot that was suitable. i ended each day sweaty and exhausted and feeling more vulnerable than ever.
three days before we were supposed to meet, i stopped eating. i had been trying to lose some weight recently and learned that it was possible for me to fast for much longer than i would have thought without passing out. i also got my hot water bottle and douched myself out each night. i thought by cleaning myself out and not taking any food in for three days straight i would have the cleanest hole possible by the time He saw me saturday morning.
the night before, i got my razors and my big bottle of nair and removed every bit of hair from my smooth body, taking special care to work it down into my horny hole and all of my naughty parts. armpits, pubes, inner thighs. my clitty and my pussy were especially painful, but i wanted to make sure there was nothing prickly in that area.
i was feeling very proud of my smooth appearance, and i was busy picking out my outfit for tomorrow when something terrible happened. i started to get very sick. first it was diahrea, then i got sick to my stomach, and then vomiting.
i was confused about how i could have gotten ill, since i barely left the house lately, so i wasn't having contact with other people who might have given me the flu or anything. eventually i realized that what probably happened is that i became overzealous cleaning my pussy and some of the hair removal had got through the hole and burned me on the inside. the reaction from my intestinal tract was to expel everything and that's why i was gushing from both ends. it probably didn't help that i was also weak from lack of food and full of adrenaline and lust from not having had an orgasm in 2 weeks.
i had already confirmed the morning triste with my Dom so i texted him to warn him that i was extremely sick and might have to cancel at the last minute. He seemed to think i was trying to weasel out of having sex with Him, and i pleaded with Him that i wanted more than anything to please Him and had every intention of submitting to be used by Him in the morning if at all possible, but i was seriously concerned that i might have damaged myself. that's when He said the sexiest thing anyone had ever said to me.
"Bitch, I don't care. you are going to be ready in the morning for me to fuck you in your bed and use your pussy like the slut that you are. Now get some sleep."
i was stunned. but my panic had gone away, because i knew He was right. this was going to happen and it didn't matter how i felt. i drank some gatorade to try to rehydrate and get some electrolytes then took some aspirin and went to bed.
in the morning i was feeling a little bit better, but i was still pretty queasy and the area around my pussy hole was very inflamed, but at least i wasn't spewing fluids from both ends. i took a shower and douched out my hole one last time and then waited for His call. He lived about an hour away from me, and He had promised to call before He left the house, so i was expecting His call, but it still made me jump with a start when it came and sent my heart racing again.
He said good morning and asked me how i was feeling, and i said i was much better thank you, but i was still a little sick to my stomach. He asked me if i wanted to postpone our rendezvous, and i told Him it didn't matter what i wanted, that the only think i needed to do was to please Him.
so i was surprised when He responded "Let's postpone it til next weekend, I want you feeling your best. Now get some rest."
i have to admit i felt relieved, but i also felt an incredibly warmth in my chest as i realized i suddenly had a huge crush on this sweet sweet Man, but also an intense lust for Him as well. a tidal wave of euphoric emotions crashed into me and i realized like an ice cold knife through my heart that i was absolutely going to let this Man fuck me, in my house, in my bed, without a condom, without resistance, without a care in the world. i had never had such an overwhelmingly positive physical and emotional desire for any Man before.
i also realized that meant i had still been holding back up until then. i think that's probably every girl's story when they first start dating a new Man. even if you're 100% sure that He's the one and you're going to let Him fuck you after dinner tonight, there's still a part of you deep down that's making precautions in case it doesn't work out or He turns out to be a jerk.
even though i had been cleaning my apartment, i was still secretly hoping something would happen and we'd still go to a hotel instead. i had accepted that He was going to bareback me, but i had still placed a box of plus-sized condoms by the bed in case He changed his mind. i had been preparing for Him to use me, but there was still part of me deep down that wasn't sure it was a good idea and was kind of hoping it would all fall through. its probably the part that had me vomiting the night before
but now i was filled with such an overwhelming desperate lust for him that i knew that nothing would stop me from submitting to this Man. i would beg for his Cock if i had to. i would beg for his Cum. i wanted nothing more than to be used in every single way that He had ever even mentioned to me.
i spent the next week furiously recleaning the entire apartment. scrubbing the toilet. rewashing the sheets and then sleeping on the couch all week so the bed would stay clean. i went out and bought brand new pillows.
i had been growing my fingernails longer and i went out and got red nail polish and i put it on to make sure i knew how. i had never worn nail polish before and it made me feel pretty. i also got eyeliner, mascara and several shades of lipstick which i tried out over the next few days.
i texted Him to confirm what time He was coming on saturday and He said he was surprised to hear from me. He thought i was trying to flake on him! i begged and pleaded with Him to believe that i was really sick and never had any attention of avoiding him.
i made a video on my phone of my pussy with a dildo sliding in and out of it and sent it to Him and that seemed to convince him. He resumed calling me 2 or 3 times a day just to hear me begging to please Him. He mentioned that he liked grapes so i got a bunch to place by the bedside and a case of his favorite soda in my refrigerator.
i remembered that the last time i was with a Man, the sex had been excruciatingly painful. and my new Dom's Cock was so much bigger. so i started training myself to make sure i would be able to take it. or at least take it for longer. each morning i got out my biggest butt plug and i pushed it slowly into me, then immediately pulled it back out, and then right back in until i could easily take a constant steady fucking motion. then i put on a porn video and fucked myself with the plug, matching the speed and rhythm of the Cock in the video stroke for stroke, so that i knew my ass pussy could handle a full length fuck session. then i would do it again each night before i went to bed. by the weekend i was hopeful that i would be able to take his very large cock without trouble. or at least take it for longer than i would have if i hadn't been training my pussy.
three days before, i started fasting again. but i made sure to at least hydrate a lot better. i douched myself out with warm water each night. and the night before i did hair removal on my whole body, being slightly less aggressive with my pussy hole this time.
when i woke up in the morning, i showered and douched again, and put on some perfume and most of my make up. i decided to wait on the lipstick till last, in case i needed a drink of water.
then i put on my lingerie, a garter belt and black stockings, and a lacy half corset that hid my little bit of tummy but left my nipples exposed. i decided to put some lipstick on my nipples too. i wore black jock strap style panties so that my ass pussy was completely exposed.
i still had a few things to do, but i was basically ready to go. i strutted around the apartment in my girly underwear, lighting candles and dimming the lights, while i waited for his call.
when it finally came, i was shocked to learn that, instead of calling me when He left the house, which would have given me one more hour to prepare for his arrival, He was right outside my gate!
i hurriedly slapped on some lipstick and jumped into my pants and a shirt so i could race outside to let Him in. so i was already frantic and out of breath when i first laid eyes on Him. He smiled and said "Hello" then he followed me into the building and down the hall and into my apartment and shut the door.
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masterless
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Posted:Jun 7, 2023 7:36 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 6:11 pm 5436 Views
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after that i didn't date anyone for long awhile. i think part of me was still hoping that someday He might find himself in my area and require me to be His hotel bitch again, and i would be able to say that i hadn't been with anyone else and i never stopped thinking about Him for one moment.
which was kind of true, because whenever i masterbated, which was every night now just to keep myself on an even keel, it was to the memory of every single moment of our one time together. or sometimes i would masterbate to fantasies about how i imagined He might share me. but for the next three years every single erotic thought i had involved my former Master and his amazing Cock.
i also noticed that i masterbated on my back now. when i was younger and straight, i almost always masterbated by piling two pillows together to create an artificial vagina and then humping the slit like a guy would. so even if i also had something up my ass for stimulation, i still always reached climax by rubbing my penis in a soft hole like a Top.
but since coming out as a submissive i only ever sexed myself lying on my back like a girl. not that girls don't have other positions, but i had almost never seen it in my own love life. but i had definitely been fucked in the missionary position by both of the men i had been with. so when i was on my back, it was only possible for me to have homosexual fantasies where i was the bottom. even if i was touching my dick i didn't feel particularly straight
and to be honest i wasn't even using my dick all that much. most of the hours i spent "masterbating" was me working my pussy with a dildo or a plug, or sticking a vibrator inside me and setting it on high, and then teasing and pinching my nipples until i was so horny i couldn't take it anymore. then i would quickly stroke my clitty to a climax.
the feeling of warm jizz pooling on my stomach also seemed like a uniquely feminine experience. i would play with the slick semen and use it to lubricate my nipples and continue to play with them while i came down from my erotic high, so i always ended my days sticky with cum. and for a couple years that was my entire sex life.
but eventually i did come to accept that my Dom really had given up on me. but what hadn't changed was the fact that i was deeply submissive and my body hungered for a Man to use me for his pleasure. i stopped waiting for Mr Right to drop into my lap and started looking for Mr Now.
the first thing i did was become a Gold Member. it was never worth it before, because i already had a Man and several ways to contact Him. but now that i was actively seeking a new partner, it seemed like a safer and more discreet way of exploring my sexual options than walking into my neighborhood leather bar on Underwear Night.
once i had access to all the mail and chat features my inbox practically exploded. it turns out my Master had the right idea when He required me to advertise myself better. there were a lot of Men on the site who don't bother to contact standard members. but now that i could answer their mails and unlimited IMs, there were a lot more guys who wanted to chat me up. and many of them had very dark Dominant fantasies.
unfortunately most of them were strictly fantasies. i learned that there are a lot of Chat Doms out there who talk a good game but have no interest in meeting in real life. nothing against people who enjoy cyber sex, but it just wasn't interesting to me. i found myself in a lot of long and intensely horny chats that suddenly deflated when i asked if they ever visited my part of the country.
but there were also a lot of Men in my area who were genuinely interested in real hook ups, so then it was a question of compatibility. there were SM Tops who wanted to introduce me to the world of Bondage and Pain but had no interest in intercourse or physical contact. there were Men who wanted sex but no oral, or oral but no anal. and sissy switches who wanted us both to wear lingerie and take turns topping each other. i began to realize what a total catch my former Dom was.
one of my most persistent paramours was a sadistic Dom whose fantasy was to walk into a darkened apartment and find a sissy sub face down on the bed with her ass in the air, so He could fuck and spank and abuse her for hours and then walk back out without ever seeing a face.
much of that titillated me, though He seemed noticeably crueler and angrier than my former Master. He also happened to live in my neighborhood, which scared the hell out of me, because He specifically wanted to use me in my home, so i knew that the first time He used me, i would become His permanent property, because after that He would know where i lived, and regardless of whether i enjoyed the experience or not, i knew that i would never have the strength of will to refuse a Dom who had already used my pussy, if He showed up at my door demanding to use it a second time. or a third. or a fiftieth.
and He lived close enough that He could probably use me every single day if He wanted. it had been so long since i had been with my Master that i was now averaging one sexual partner every 5 years. bumping that up to a daily fucking was a huge step up. but that's what i was obviously committing to if i let this Man into my bed even one time. if He took the time to fuck me every day for a month, i don't think there's any way i would ever be able to refuse his Cock. i would become His permanent personal fuck and my home, which had always been my sanctuary, would be nothing more than a fuck palace for his sadistic pleasure. i imagined my bedroom filled with dildos of every shape and size and whips and paddles on the nightstand for His convenience
but the big problem with Him is that, true to his bio, He was also very demanding, to an almost unreasonable degree. my very first contact with Him was a message in my inbox asking if i was ready to give myself to him in 20 minutes. since i didn't even see the message until an hour or two later, the answer was obviously no. but before i could even respond to Him to suggest a better time, He sent me an angry email blowing up at me for ignoring Him!
about a month later i got another message from the same guy asking if I was ready to submit to be his slave later that afternoon, which was really no more reasonable than the previous request. i hadn't had sex with anyone in 5 years, so i had a full beard at the time and i would need time to shave and remove my body hair at the very least. when i tried to suggest another day, He blew up at me again and i didn't hear from Him again for a couple months.
after that i mostly ignored his occasional demands for same day sex. though i have to admit His descriptions of all the punishing ways He wanted to use me were incredibly hot.
but as the year stretched on and my subscription was about to run out, i started to get a little desperate. between the nightly chats with over-the-top Fantasy Doms who wanted to turn me into their "no limits slave" and the all-too-real near misses with local Doms, i was becoming horny AF. and eventually i decided i just had to go for it.
the first thing i did was stop masterbating. i still dildo fucked my pussy and played with my nipples nightly, but i stopped letting myself cum altogether, just to keep myself in the mood 24 hours a day. one nice thing about spending so much time with the chat Doms was that their sadistic fantasies were so extreme that the cruel treatment of this new Dom started to seem normal by comparison. if i added the intoxicating lust of enforced chastity to the mix, i was sure it would push me over the edge so that even if He turned out to be a complete jerk i would still be able to go through with it.
then i messaged the Dom and suggested that it would be easier to submit to Him, if He gave me a little more advance notice, and He agreed to meet me a week from then. next i had to break the news to Him that the door buzzer on my apartment building was broken, so His fantasy of never seeing my face was going to be impossible, since i would have to come to the door to let Him in. He blew up at me and called me a liar and didn't speak to me for three days. this guy was going to be exhausting.
when He contact me again, i suggested that we meet at a nearby hotel instead, that way i would feel a little safer and He could have his fantasy of walking into a darkened room and finding me already naked and ready for him. i even offered to pay for it, and He finally agreed. i went out and bought three bottles of his favorite wine. not that i thought He was a heavy drinker, but i already knew this was not going to be a one-night stand, so i thought i should stock up. and i got a couple bottles of hair removal and shaved and burned off all of my body hair. then the day before we were supposed to meet, i wrote to give Him directions to the hotel and He wrote me back, "Never mind, forget it. Too complicated."
i was furious! i lay on my bed naked and seething. i am almost always naked when i visit the website, in case a Man wants to see my body or watch me toy myself. so i was naked and horny, my blood racing with lust and frustration, wondering why it was so f*ing hard to get laid in this town, when i heard the familiar ping of an incoming IM.
it was a Dom named Toby who had seen my profile pics and thought i looked sexy. actually the very first thing He said was that He wanted me and then told me to go on cam for Him. He seems to like what He saw and asked to see my face as well, which is something i had never done on cam. i was deathly afraid of letting a website that had seen hours of footage of me fucking my ass with a dildo also have a face pic. He also told me we needed to exchange numbers for better communicaton, which was another thing i'd never done before. even my first Master never knew my phone number.
but i was so pent up and horny from engaging in months of hardcore sex chat, after not have a real Cock in years, and not having an orgasm in over a week and having a cruel Dom get me so worked up that i was 100% ready to let him fuck me in the hotel across the street, only to have Him dump me just 10 minutes ago. i was so desperate and delusionally horny that i would have done almost anything to please this new Dom. and i figured if i let Him see my face he might not notice that i had forgotten to respond to his request for my phone number.
so i tilted the camera up and blushed when He called me a "cutie". then i turned an even deeper red when i realized i had forgotten to make the chat private again and there were 5 other Doms watching me. a cold chill went through me as it hit me that now i really was just a cam . Men who had been ogling me for months and making me perform for them now knew exactly what i looked like. i prayed that no one had been recording any of these sessions
my new Dom was so sweet and so firm. He kept alternating between telling me how pretty and sexy i was and telling me how He wanted to Dominate my asspussy, talk dirty, spank my hot ass and piss in my mouth. some of those things were new to me, but i wasn't scared at all. it just made me feel warm and wanted that He desired to put himself in every part of my body.
judging by his profile photos, He was big and burly, a former athlete, and He had a huge dick. like porn star big, which scared me a little because my last sexual experience had been excruciatingly painful. i asked Him how big exactly and He told me it was long but not too thick.
i asked if He needed me to dress for him, and He said yes, He wanted me sweet and submissive. a gay slut wife. He also likes kissing and asked me if i was any good at it. i honestly have no idea. in the past, i had been told by women that i was a good kisser, but none of the Men i had been with seemed to care about kissing. they had better uses for my mouth. and when they did kiss me there was something awkward about it.
He said he was looking for a routine lover and he couldn't believe i hadn't been fucked in 5 years. i told Him it was because i am painfully shy and its very hard for me to meet people in real life. He told me He wanted to own me and make me worship and serve. He wanted to come over that Saturday morning and make me his woman. i had already committed to giving myself to a much less compatible man at the hotel across the street so i suggested we just meet there.
He asked me my hiv status, which was a huge relief to me after having so much trouble getting Men to practice safe sex in the past.
but when i looked up the hotels check in times, i realized that if He preferred weekend mornings for his hookups, we would never be able to have hotel sex without paying for two nights. and i couldn't have Him over to my apartment because the place was a mess and there wasn't time to clean. i suggested that if we waited till next weekend, He could use me at my place.
He said that was fine, it would give us time to get to know each other. then He asked for my phone number again.
i couldn't believe this was happening. i had only had one conversation with this Man and already he had seen my face, turned me into a cam , got my home address and now i was giving him my phone number.
but i was so full of lust and blissful girlish butterflies over his sweet talking that i probably would have done anything to keep Him from slipping away. i had finally found a good one. and i let my guard down completely.
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on pins and needles
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Posted:Jun 6, 2023 7:12 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 6:11 pm 3123 Views
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my Master travels a lot and He happened to have a condo at the next airport over from me, so He had fairly frequent layovers in my vicinity. if He wanted me, i could expect to be used as his hotel bitch two or three times a year. which was fine with me, because i was still relatively inexperienced and i didn't know if i could handle a Man who fucked me every single day. for one thing it would have meant shaving and waxing and plucking every day. and spending a lot more money on lingerie so He didn't have to see the same outfit every time. but a hard fucking every few months sounded just about right. He was kind of the perfect Dom for me.
and then i got the bad new. someone had made an offer on his condo, so He sold it and moved to the opposite coast! suddenly His schedule changed over night and he was no longer sure when He would be in my area again. definitely not in the next three months. it might even be a year!
i was determined to wait that long, but i was terrified of how horny i would be if i continued to remain abstinent. it had already been 5 months since my last orgasm and i was so hungry to let Him use me in ways i never thought i would submit to. in another year, i would be insane with lust!
i worried that one of the many other Doms my Master required me to chat with might try to seduce me. i was already dildoing my cunt for them almost every night on cam. and some of them had expressed the desire to take the relationship further or even meet in person. so far i had been able to hold them off by telling them i already had a Master, and i would never cheat on Him. but their follow up question was always "When was the last time He fucked you?" At the moment the answer was "two months", but if that grew into "i haven't seen my Master over a year," would they still take "no" for an answer?
if the Dom who happened to live right down the street from me, decided i was just pretending to have a Master and insisted that we meet for coffee, just platonically. and my Master gave me permission. would i really be able to remain chaste once i was alone in a room with a Dom who had seen my pussy, and watched me fuck my pussy, and told me exactly how i should fuck my pussy while he jerked off? would i know how to refuse a Man in person if he told me he didn't want platonic coffee, but He did want to fuck me and He felt like my pussy belonged to Him now? especially if i was as horny as i'd ever been in my life by over a year, and He knew where i lived now and what i looked like, and He could keep asking everytime he saw me until He got his way?
i asked my Master if i could masterbate just one time just to release a little pressure, but His response was, "No and stop asking." i could tell He was angry, because i had never asked before, but it was clear that i should never bring it up again.
we continued to chat almost every night, but even though i was still getting hornier and hornier each day, He seemed to be losing interest. more and more often, when He came online, He no longer pinged me right away, but spent a while chatting with a couple of his other bitches first. sometimes my only communicaton after waiting an hour for Him to answer was a quick "I'm tired. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Good night, slut." other times, His only response when i'd IM him was to send me a naked photo of the bitch He had used the night before, which left me feeling angry and frustrated and jealous and horny.
after a couple months, He started coming online less often, and ignored me completely when He did. His schedule kept changing and after not hearing from him for three more months, i finally got an email that the one year meet up was officially cancelled and He had no plans to be on my coast for at least another year. i was heartbroken.
i tried to hold out for a little while longer to show my loyalty, but i never heard from Him again. and after awhile i realized that it didn't really matter if i stayed true to my Master if i was really never going to see Him again. one night, after dildoing myself for a horny cam Dom, i finally masterbated myself to sleep and let myself off the hook.
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master plan
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Posted:Jun 5, 2023 10:55 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 6:11 pm 2600 Views
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my pussy was sore for two weeks after my Master used me for the first time. one thing they don't tell you about being the woman in a relationsip is that a Man can fuck a bitch and then towel off and go on about his business and not even think about her until the next time he needs sex. but when you're the woman and your Man fucks you, you can still feel him inside you the next day. if you so much as go for a walk or even walk across the room, your aching pussy reminds you with every step that you just had sex and you had a lot of it. you may not have felt like a slut before, but you do now because no matter where you are or what you're doing there's an aching part of you that screams "you are a vessel for sex! you are a willing fuckhole for your Man's raging lust! so you think about Him all day every day until that subsides. if your Man uses you often enough that feeling may never go away.
after being used by Him, i would try to go online to look at my Master's cock pics like i had done a thousand times before. He has a beautiful Cock. but now when i see it i can smell his musk in my nostrils and taste it in my mouth and feel it coating my throat. the whole experience comes vividly back to me each time i look at his domineering Cock. and i look at it every single day, just to remind me what i am to Him.
i have a scar on my nipple now from where my Master drew blood. its just a tiny one that no one would ever noticed, but i know it's there and i find myself subconsciously rubbing it whenever i think of Him.
needless to say i am obsessed with my Master now. especially since He still has not given me permission to cum. we chat every night and He seems to take pleasure in making me tell him how long it has been since my last orgasm in days, weeks and months.
i tell him about my scar and He tells me that is his Mark and i should be proud of it. He says if he keeps sucking it, the nipple can grow up to triple in size. He tells me that he wants that for me. He says i can expect an hour of nipple torture to be part of our sessions from now on. i tremble because i think that i would like that. not in a good way. but in an "i could never refuse that" way. He also tells me that he will only do the one nipple though, because that's all He needs. i realize with a blush of shame that i will never be able to go to the beach or a swimming pool again because how do i explain my lobsided swollen titties? when the truth is "because my Master needs that one."
He tells me that i need to update my profile to advertise myself better. i go on the site and add the story of becoming His hotel bitch to my bio. this pleases Him. He tells me that i need to add some kinks. i have only been with 2 men ever, so my list is pretty short, but i go back over it and added some things that i haven't done yet, but have been curious about trying. i guess there's no harm in telling people that i have already done things that i would probably be willing to do anyway.
my Master is still not satisfied. He says i should have at least 25 kinks. He makes me add lingerie, spanking, chastity devices, cross dressing, panty hose and 24/7 total power exchange. He tells me that i am a sissy slut cock slut and that i need to change my color to pink in the chat rooms so everyone will know it as soon as i come in.
i'm really not into cross dressing and i never thought of myself as sissy. but i guess i am one now technically because i realize that as long as i am with my Master i will never not be wearing lingerie when he uses me. that thought sinks into me. i will always be fucked like a girl while dressed like a girl. it is a strange thing to learn about yourself from someone else. but i am content.
i find myself shopping online for womens underwear and wandering into the womens section of the department store to see if there are night gowns in my size or shoes that might fit me.
my Master likes to send me pics of his other bitches to make me jealous and to point out clothing items he would like to see me in and i immediately go out and try to purchase them. He sends me an especially disturbing photo of one of his long time bitches whose ass has been used so hard for so long that her hole is permanently pink and puffy like a swollen vagina. He tells me that He wants that for me, and i become sick to my stomach.
thanks to his Dominance, i have been having more hardcore fantasies lately and letting my Master push my limits and turn me on to new kinks, but permanent damage to my body is a limit i don't imagine ever crossing. and besides i am still very deeply closeted. if nothing else, my doctor would notice and then everyone in the hospital would know how i like to be used. ticking the "straight" box means i don't have to describe my sex life to every nurse in the clinic. i think part of my problem is that the scaredy cat side of me is still harboring the notion that if i ever change my mind about all of this, that i could just stop having sex and go back to my straight life and no one would ever find out.
but if my Master uses me the way He wants to and stretches me out and destroys my hole, that's something i could never come back from. if He ever tired of me, i couldn't just go back to the normal dating pool and find a nice vanilla partner. i would never be good for anything but brutal use by aggressive Doms
yet at the same time, the fact that He has been thinking about me in this way and fantasizing about how He wants to use me becomes a huge turn on. it makes me even more attracted to his Dominance and Power and more desperate to submit to Him. more than anything i *want* to have the kind of pussy that He likes to fuck. i wanted Him to prefer my pussy over all his other sluts.
it was the submissive catch 22 that i was starting to know very well. being disgusted by the things a Dom wants me to submit to, and disgusted with myself, but becoming so desperately horny for Him for wanting it, that i start to get turned on by the very thing that horrifies me.
i started masterbating more often and with bigger dildos so that it wouldn't hurt as much if He ever did try to use me like that. the twisted thing about that is, even though i had made up my mind not to have that happen to me, it was like i was keeping my options open *just in case* i decided to let Him destroy my pussy. but more likely it was just one more sign of my acceptance that submitting to my Master meant being used by Him had become inevitable and my role was solely to be pliable to His needs. i started stretching my pussy because i already knew it wasn't my decision.
He described many of his fantasies for me. Some of them were titillating. Some of them were dark. All of them changed the way i saw my place in His world. One day He said that he was thinking about "sharing" me. it was a term i was unfamiliar with, but i knew exactly what it meant. i suddenly realized that this is what he meant when he said i needed to advertise myself.
the idea of being with another Man had never crossed my mind before. i am extremely naturally monogamous for some reason. i don't know why, but once i make a connection with a person, i lose all interest in anyone else sexually. which makes it impossible for me to cheat on a lover. so i never really fantasized about having a three way or anything like that, because i didn't think there was any way for me to be attracted to two Men at the same time.
but when He told me about his desire to share me, it suddenly hit me that if my Master ever decided that He wanted to watch me being fucked by another Man, there was no question in my mind that i would submit to it in a heart beat. if my Master wanted to see me as a slut, and use me as a slut, i would definitely want to be that slut for Him. i don't think i would even hesitate. the idea of sucking my Master's cock while a complete stranger fucked me from behind was one of the hottest things i ever imagined. i realized i could probably even submit to a gangbang if it was a roomful of Men that my Master had picked out to use me. i wouldn't even care who they were, because it would be all about showing Him that i would be a total for Him. this opened up a whole new world of submissive fantasy for me.
i started watching more gangbang porn. i had never been very interested in pornography before, but when i first began reading about Dominance and submission i started looking up pornography that was rough or Dominant. at first i took it as yet another sign that i wasn't really gay at all since i clearly got aroused by seeing cute girls fuck. but eventually i realized that, much like the things that appealed to me in written erotica, what was really going on was that i was imagining myself as the girl in the videos. i liked watching girls take dicks in all holes because i wanted to know what it was like. i got turned on watching bukkake videos and first anal. i almost never watched ordinary straight sex, except by accident when i clicked on one of the girls who had just taken a room full of Cocks us to see what else she had done.
i was amazed at how far i had come in such a short time, sexually. one partner ago, i was a straight virgin who was afraid to even be seen in a gay bar. now i look forward to the life my Master has planned for me, and experiencing the erotic anguish of being a trusting submissive to a merciless Dom
i am a submissive sissy cock slut.
i am proud and ashamed to be the property of a sexy and sadistic Master who terrifies me terribly and arouses me like no Man ever has. a Master who plans to use me relentlessly then me out to be gangfucked by nameless Doms who i have never met but must serve, solely for His perverse pleasure and to prove again and again His power over me.
i am grateful to Him for guiding me down this dark and terrible path.
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you never forget your first Dom
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Posted:Jun 4, 2023 12:42 pm
Last Updated:Jun 5, 2023 7:09 am 7036 Views
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i had become very comfortable with the idea of submitting to be used by my Master in real life, which is good because He had forbid me to cum for over three months now and i was so horny i probably would have done just about anything He asked, comfortable or not.
the enforced celibacy was excruciating for the first couple weeks. and then i had a case of blue balls that was even worse for about two days. when that finally broke, a peaceful wave of contentment and total lust washed over me and just stayed with me 24/7. i was one hundred percent horny all day every day, but it wasn't frantic or desperate like it had been in the past. my body was simply ready to be fucked anywhere anytime, it was just waiting for someone to ask.
my mind was seeing sex everywhere. every single man i passed on the street i was checking out his package and estimating the size and shape of his Cock, then trying to imagine what he would have to do to get me to suck it. in most cases the answer was either Invite me back to his place later or Pull me into this alley right now. i was able to go to work and go about my day normally, but i now knew exactly how big my bosses dick was and where in the office he could take me that would make the least noise.
and i had completely lost interest in women. if i was out on halloween and saw a girl in a slutty catwoman costume walking next to a chubby batman, i would completely ignore the girl and stare at batmans nipples and wonder if they were real.
i was perfectly primed to submit sexually to a Man who knew what he wanted and my Master seemed like just the Dom.
but i was also aware that i was still barely more than a virgin, and going from a fumbling first timer to a hardcore submissive bottom slut was kind of a big step and i knew there were risks. but i had been chatting with my Master almost every day now and starting to get to know his likes and dislikes and starting to feel safer with him. He was into a lot of very Dominant sex play, but nothing that would have been a complete deal breaker for me. He was basically a straight Man who liked rough sex but preferred to have sex with sissy bitches because real women get mad when you use them too hard or hurt their feelings. basically, He didn't like drama.
i was also relieved that He believed in safe sex and was very careful about choosing bitches who were virgins and always used condoms for his first time with a new sub. this gave me a lot less to worry about and a lot less questions about when was the last time you were tested? and what kind of stds have you had? that could come later
my Master traveled a lot because his work took him all over the world, so any given bitch only got to see him once or twice a year, but He told me that, for his subs, it was like Christmas day whenever He came to town.
i knew exactly how they felt because it was shortly after christmas break and i was driving home from out of state when i got a message from my Master that he had a layover in my city in 2 days and he wanted to make me his hotel bitch. its a good thing i always pull over to read my texts because i probably would have ended up in a ditch if i had been driving when i read that.
i was still 3 days from home but i thought i could make it if i drank a lot of coffee and drove straight through. i immediately hit the road, and the whole way home i was high on caffeein and terrified of getting pulled over for speeding and horny AF. so i almost made it in time
it was friday night about an hour before He had told me to meet him when i pulled into my driveway and i ran inside and immediately pinged him to let him know that i was on my way to the hotel, but i might be running a little late. i still needed to take a shower because i'd been in a car for two days and i needed to douche out and make myself hairless and put on my contacts and
He cut me off. "Don't bother." He told me to calm down, go to bed, get some sleep, and be at his hotel first thing in the morning. He had 3 or 4 hours to kill and He could use me in the morning before his flight.
i didn't go to sleep though. i got my big bottle of nair and burned off all my body hair. then i got the hot water bottle and douched out my hairless hole. then i laid out the clothes i was going to wear tomorrow and i went to bed exhausted.
the next morning i got up and showered and douched out again. i wanted to make sure i had a nice clean hole for Him to use. then, nervous as a butterfly, i drove down to his hotel and went up to the room number he had given me. when i knocked, He opened the door and said "Come in" and then "Strip".
as soon as i unbuttoned my shirt, He grabbed both of my nipples and started pinching them hard, back and forth as fast as he could. i immediately became short of breath and became a little light headed.
my nipples are kind of my kryptonite. as a no-recip bottom there is not a lot of physical pleasure in love making. your penis is no longer useful for anything but to get in the way. your balls are never touched or used in a gentle way. and while anal sex can have its pleasures, most of the time it is rough and uncomfortable and sometimes painful. but playing with my nipples always feels good so it's the one source of physical pleasure that is still part of my sex life. also my nipples get super hard when i'm turned on so it's a dead give away that a Man is making me horny. so when my Master just started tweaking them right away as hard as he could, my heart started to race and i could feel myself getting light headed and my breath turned into sharp panting.
i managed to get my shirt the rest of the way off and unzipped my pants. but the minute they dropped around my ankles, He stopped what he was doing and just stared.
i had remembered that my Dom liked his subs to wear lingerie, but i hadn't mentioned before that i had gone shopping for just such an occasion. so my Master was pleasantly surprised to discover that under my man pants i was wearing sexy black stockings and garters and a thong.
He spun me around, obviously delighted. then He whispered "good girl" and went right back to pinching and tweaking my nipples. i was very proud of myself and very turned on as i kicked off my shoes and got my pants the rest of the way off
then while He undressed, i tried to pile my clothes next to the door in case i needed to make a quick getaway. i guess i wouldn't be the timid slut that i am if i didn't already have an escape plan.
He told me to get on the bed on all fours, which i did. and i watched Him go to the dresser in front of me and rummage around in his shaving kit. then he walked around the bed to my back side and seemed to be tinkering with something. He pulled the string of my thong to the side and then i felt his finger massaging something cool and wet into my clean shaven hole. it was surprising, but kind of nice.
He told me "You're better looking that i thought you'd be" as he lubricated my hole. i wasn't sure how to take that as a compliment. ordinarily it probably would have made me feel pretty and special. but bent over like a with a finger up my ass prepping me for penetration, i didn't feel particularly pretty or special.
and then i felt a sudden pressure as He started to press something against my wetness. something too big to go in. i started to feel a familiar panic as the pressure increased and then i let out a startled YELP when it suddenly popped into me! i realized instantly that he had just installed a butt plug. "To loosen you up" He said as he circled back around to the head of the bed and sat down facing me with his legs spread wide for me to suck his Cock!
i was still panting for breath as i knelt there on all fours staring at his 7 inches and feeling the invading butt plug lodged inside of me, and i realized that i was trapped. there was no way i was going to be able to get up and run out of the room with a butt plug in my ass. for one thing, that would be stealing. and i didn't even know what it looked like or how long it would take me to get it out on my own. would i need to use both hands?
i felt a heart sinking sense of vulnerability as i realized that, contrary to my escape plan, i was going to be here exactly as long as He decided to keep me here. because as long as that plug was inside of me, He could use me as hard as he wants, in any way that He wants and i wouldn't say no, because i needed him to like me enough to take it back out of me when He was done using me.
i knew that the only way i could possibly speed things up at all was to make him cum as quickly as i could, so i crawled across the bed to his crotch feeling as sexually powerless as i had ever felt in my life. but much like my first time in an underwear bar, i also felt amazingly uninhibited. the control freak side of me that was always on its guard to make sure i wasn't going too far or too fast was out the window now, because it was no longer up to me. i was His slut now and what kind of slut i was about to become was entirely up to Him.
i pressed my face into his crotch and smelled the musky aroma of his manhood. it was a scent that had always disgusted me before, but now it was the smell of my submission and it would linger in my throat for days after this. i licked and sucked each of his balls into my mouth just like i remembered enjoying when i used to be a man. i tried to stroke his member at the same time, but my Master snapped "No hands." this was going to be harder than i thought.
so i raised myself up on my elbows so my mouth could reach his Cock. i wetted his whole shaft with my tongue and then i suckled his circumcised cock head and finally took the whole thing into my mouth. i bobbed up and down on his Cock, gagging on it every time as it banged against the back of my throat. i slowed down and tried to deep throat it too, but i didn't really know how and each attempt left me choking and my eyes watering. eventually i whispered, "i'm sorry" and went back to trying to suck him off normally. i wished i could use my hands to do a better job, but apparently making a girl give you a hands free blow job is a thing and that's what my Master wanted.
apparently it did the trick though because eventually He told me to get up and bend over the chair next to the bed with one foot on the seat and one foot on the floor. i obediently got up and got into position with my legs spread wide to give full access to my cunt. He reachd in behind me and i felt an intense pressure as He started to pull the butt plug out. i YELPED a second time as it popped out of me, then He went to his shaving kit to rummage for more lube.
i was relieved to have the thing out of me, but it had done it's job. in my mind i had accepted that i could never leave without His permission and that had become permanent. the thought of leaving never even crossed my mind after that. and the idea of Him using me too hard was no longer something i feared, but something i had accepted as inevitable. just like that, He had broken me.
my Master instructed me to reach back with both hands and spread my cheeks, as He wedged himself between my thighs and slowly penetrated me with his Cock for the first time. i felt Him slide all the way in to the hilt and then pull all the way back out again, slowly long dicking me so i would feel is entire length. i knew in an instant this was going to be a real fucking. not like the clumsy drunkenness of my first experience.
i was trying to slow my breathing which was still a rapid panting and focus on stayng relaxed while his Cock moved in and out of my pussy more firmly, picking up speed. but then it occurred to me that, while i was bent over with my cheeks spread and my face in the chair, i had not heard the familiar sound of a condom being unwrapped or put on.
i tried to focus on the texture of the Cock grinding in and out of me faster now, and wondered if i would even know the difference between a cloaked or an uncloaked penis. i started to worry, but i didn't know what to do. He continued to pick up speed, until i heard the vulgar slap slap slap of his balls against my ass as he was full speed on me now, and i knew He would cum soon if i didn't say something, so i just whispered "are you wearing a condom?" He whispered back "it's okay I trust you" as he continued to fuck me like a race .
that was really not the answer i was looking for, and i whimpered "You said we were going to have safe sex." that stopped him and i could tell i had offended him as He stopped moving at all, but still had his Cock balls deep in my pussy, keeping me impaled there, almost as if to remind me of my position. finally He said "Look, i just want to get a feel for your body for a little bit first, then we can put on the condom."
for some reason that made sense to me. it's not like i really had a lot of choice. it was a little late to drop everything and have a lengthy debate about safe sexual practices, and i didn't want to spoil the mood. so i nodded yes and He started to slowly thrust into me again, erotically grinding his hips a little more to make me feel every inch of him. i tried to focus on my breathing again, which was still a frantic panting, and relaxing my pussy for Him. but as soon as he felt me ease up a little, He took that as his clue to grab me by the hips and started hard fucking me again, angrily pounding into me.
this guy wasn't trying to "get a feel" for me, he was obviously trying to cum! i twisted away from him and squirmed myself free. He glared at me disappointed and i just stared at the floor unable to meet his gaze.
it was an awkward moment for me, because its not that i had an objection to him fucking me, but he had specifically said that he never had unprotected sex on the first date and it was a big part of why i had been comfortable giving myself to Him, but now i had so many questions that there wasn't time to answer.
irritated, He crossed over to the bed again and flopped down with his legs spread and sarcastically said, "Oh but you'll suck my cock?" i didn't know how to respond to that, but my submissive brain said a Man is offering you his Cock, you have to suck it. so i got on the bed between his legs and obediently began sucking again. i don't know what i was thinking. that if i gave him a blow job he would forgive me for not letting him go all the way? it doesn't make any sense, but at the time i think it was the only thing i could do that didn't require me to speak. so as He let me worship him with my mouth, He did all the talking. and he said all the things guys say when they're trying to get what they want. "it doesn't feel as good with a condom", "I thought you'd like it", "you don't want to leave me unsatisfied, do you?"
eventually my Master figured out that i wasn't going anywhere and he proposed a compromise. He would use a condom if i would let him fuck me without one just for a minute, just to get me warmed up. again, i don't know why that sounded reasonable but i nodded and He had me lay on my back so we could do it missionary position. then He climbed on top of me and slid his legs between mine, spreading me open with his strong thighs. with Him towering over me, looking down into my eyes. i felt like a school girl losing her virginity on prom night. he lifted one of my legs up by my ear to give him access to my pussy. and then he lifted the other leg up by my ear, tilting my pussy straight up at his hungry Cock. He leaned forward, putting the whole weight of this body on me, squashing my legs into my chest and making it impossible breathe. my illusions of prom night disappeared, because i could barely breathe, as He lined up his Cock with my helpless hole and plunged into me.
and this time He did not take it slow at all. He just started pile driving into me right away. i couldn't believe i'd fallen for this AGAIN. i tried to squirm away, but my arms were pinned under my legs, my legs were pinned under his body and the full momentum of his pounding was crushing me straight down into the bed with every thrust of his Cock into my already warmed up pussy. i was completely pinned under him and could barely breathe. all i could do was beg Him over and over "please… please… please…"
i didn't know what else to say. my submissive brain had already decided that He had every right to treat me this way. He had got me here by promising to use me. and i had promised that He could. i guess my objection was only that, in my naïve virgin head i somehow thought that it would be more romantic. but it was not. this was ugly fucking. and it made me feel like garbage.
"please… please… please" i whimpered as i squirmed underneath him. i managed to roll him off me and scrambled off the bed, gasping for breath. He was obviously irritated as He glared over at me. but i was staring horrified at a spot of brown on the bed sheet that had obviously dripped out of me in the struggle. "oh no oh no oh no oh no"
my Master suddenly became super sweet and attentive. "It's okay. Calm down. It's no big deal. Happens all the time. It comes right out." i just stood there staring helpless as He went into the bathroom and grabbed a wet washcloth. i had tried so hard to have a clean hole for him, but i had failed him again. He came back with the wet cloth and rubbed and scrubbed until the stain disappeared. "See? It's all gone." i nodded, only slightly relieved, as i stood there paralyzed with shame.
my Master went back to his shaving kit, which was apparently his sexual tool kit and came back with an enema bulb and handed it to me. then He took me by the shoulders and walked me into the bathroom and told me "You better clean out. I'm not looking to drill for oil."
it was the most humiliating moment of my life as He stood in the doorway and watched me fill the bulb with water and douche myself out. i felt filthy. and i felt even more filthy when He told me "One more time" and watched me do it again.
in hindsight that was probably a mistake. at this point the only reason for my hole to be clean was if i expected him to use it again. and since He clearly intended to do exactly that, i was sending Him all the wrong signals.
when my hole was clean enough for his satisfaction, He went back into the bedroom and lay down on the bed. i timidly followed and sat on the bed next to him.
i told him why safe sex was important to me. i told him about my many years as an advocate and that i probably knew more about infection rates and health risks than most straight people bother to learn. i told him about my own brush with hiv and why it was one of my biggest fears
after i was done, he just stared at the ceiling and said nothing. but i knew it was over. i didn't know if he was still in the mood for sex, but i was completely done. talking about stds is not exactly a turn on. and on top of that, this man was a liar who had tried to trick me into sex and then coerce me into sex, and whatever attraction i had for him was completely gone. i should probably just go, but the only thing keeping me there was that i felt really bad about disappointing him.
i was ashamed for so many reasons that i couldn't even look him in the eye. so i laid my head on his chest, facing his penis, and just lay there staring at it. i put my hand on it, not to do anything, just to feel his warmth. there was a drop of precum on his tip and i swirled it around with my thumb. i wanted to taste it, but i thought that would be sending the wrong signals again.
we lay like that for a long time, saying nothing, just me with my head on his chest, listening to his breathing, gazing at his beautiful cock, idly massaging the semi-softness with its own precum.
eventually he pushed my hand away from his dick and gently rolled me onto my back, and started sucking my nipple. i let out an audible gasp and immediately started sharply panting again as he continue to lick and suck the only part of me that experiences sexual pleasure. He had found my weakness.
and He was good at it. He shifted around so He could lay his whole weight across my lower body, pinning me to the bed while his mouth got a better suction on my teat. i thought He might be trying to give me a hickey on my nipple as he began sucking hard and harder, putting all his efforts onto the left nipple, leaving the other one untouched. there's a special kind of torture in giving all of one's attention to one of "the girls" while leaving the other one starving for affection.
i lay there under Him, panting, and moaning out loud every time his teeth grazed my erect nipple, or gasping in pain every time his sharp teeth gave it a little bite, and wondering when He was going to even it out and do the other side. but He never did. but that was okay because i could probably never get tired of a Man teasing my nipples. and i was incredibly turned on in that moment.
He probably thought if He sucked my nipples long enough i might have a change of heart and consider letting him fuck me. but that ship had sailed. but i didn't mind letting him use my nipple for his pleasure and mine for as long as He wanted, even if it was starting to get a little rough and the bites were coming a bit more frequently. at first i thought they were accidental nips, but now i was starting to realize he was definitely doing it on purpose just to hear me squeak in pain.
after about ten minutes He took me across that threshold where the pleasure of having my nipple sucked was less than the pain of the hard sucking and biting and full on chewing my nipple like chewing gum, sending a sharp stabbing sensation into me almost once a second.
that's when i realized something horrifying about nipple torture. the pleasure that your nipple can give you is incredibly intense and a powerful aphrodisiac that makes you hopelessly horny, and attracted to the Man who is doing it to you. but eventually if He uses you too hard or too long, the pain becomes too much and cancels out any pleasure you might be feeling. but the horniness and the attraction gets cranked up to 11. the harder a Man uses you, the more desperately you want to bite your lip and submit to any cruel thing he wants to do to you.
the treatment of my nipple had become unbearable and i hated Him so much for turning the one sexual pleasure i had left into an excruciating punishment. but i was also so fucking horny and attracted to him that i could never tell him to stop. i thought about asking Him to switch to the other nipple, just for a little bit, just to give her a rest, but then i remembered the lesson his butt plug had locked into my submissive brain from the minute i came into this hotel room and obediently climbed on the bed.
i was here for my Master to use. as long as He wants, as hard as He wants, in anyway that He wants, in every way that He wants. nothing about this is up to me. i have no power. i have no choice. the ONLY thing i am allowed to do, is to try to please Him well enough that He will want to use me again.
i lay back and gasped and groaned and whimpered as He continued to gnaw at my nipple. for 45 minutes He used me like that until my entire chest was on fire with shooting pains from the inflamed nerves of my abused nipple. at one point i felt the unique metallic sensation of blood and i realized that He had broken the skin. but i just bit my lip and let out a grunt of pain. He must have tasted it in his mouth, but He didn't even slow down. if anything it just made Him suck me harder. i couldn't believe His stamina. Was he ever going to tire of this?
and then something horrible happened. as the pain in my tortured nipple became unbearably excruciating, i felt a stirring in my thong. i was starting to get an erection.
i was terrified. my Master had made it very clear that He had no interest in my cock. He didn't want to see my cock. He didn't want to know i had one. but He had taken me to such an extreme of arousal that i was about to have a full blown hard on. and since He was laying right on top of me, He was certain to feel it. i had to do something to make him stop or want to do something else, but i also knew now that i could not escape him or try to resist him in anyway.
so i did the only thing i could think of in the delirious heat of my lust and agony. i blurted out "please fuck me!" that definitely stopped him. He looked up from my nipple and said "Are you sure?" i nodded sheepishly and said "yes Master, please Master, please fuck me. please, i want you to fuck me." He nodded and then went right back to sucking my nipple!
i couldn't believe it! "please Master, please fuck me" i begged again. "please, i want You to fuck me, i need You to fuck me." but He just ignored me and continued to hungrily chew on my raw nipple, while i screamed and begged. for 20 minutes! "please Master my pussy is your property. please fuck my pussy. please i'll do anything. please make me your bitch, make me your slut. please Master please fuck me, please please fuck me so hard. i'm so so sorry, please, i need you so bad, i want you, i want your Cock, i need your Cock in me so bad, i need you to fuck me, please Master fuck me like a slut, fuck me like a , please Master make me your . make me your property. fuck me like your property. fuck me so bad, fuck my pussy so bad. please Master fuck me, please please please i beg you please fuck me."
after 20 minutes of screaming and begging He finally said "Okay" and got up off me. He said "On your knees, at the edge of the bed." He grabbed my ankles and positioned me at the very edge of it so i could barely keep my balance, and then he went in the bathroom. i heard him pouring himself a glass of water, and taking a pee, then he started to brush his teeth, while i teetered there at the edge of the bed, feeling like a complete slut.
it had taken Him a little while to figure me out, but He most certainly did. He had figured out how to control me and then He had used it to destroy me completely. i realized now that the reason He kept torturing my nipple after i had already given him what he wanted was because if He had simply fucked me right away, it would have been me giving him what *He* wanted. a gift. something he should be grateful for. if He had simply said ok and fucked me the first time i asked, i still might have changed my mind later and backed out. i still might have required that he wear a condom.
but by making me beg for it, loudly and repeatedly, for twenty minutes straight! He had made it clear to me and to Him, and to anyone walking by in the hallway, that He was giving me what *i* wanted. and that i wanted it bad. i wanted it *more* than he did. so He could take as long in the bathroom as he wanted, making me wait, with my expectant pussy hanging off the bed like a slut. because He was the one doing me a favor.
i couldn't help but be impressed with my Master's skill at Domination. i had been ready to walk out the door and never have sex with him again. and in barely an hour, he had completely turned me into a willing to be used in ways i never would have agreed to before.
i realized i was about to endure the most savage fucking i had ever seen or imagined, because my Master had no reason to hold back. i had begged Him to use me like property and He knew that nothing He did now would raise a peep of protest.
He came out of the bathroom finally with a raging hard on and walked over to the side of the bed. He grabbed my calves and pulled my knees farther apart and i sunk down into a deeper stance that placed my naked pussy right at the level of his crotch. He pressed his hand into the small of my back and i instantly lost my balance and flopped over with my face in the sheets, tilting my pussy hole up at his throbbing Cock. He pulled my legs even farther apart, as far as they could go, sinking me into an even deeper posture that was quite painful and hard to hold. i recognized again that sex is rarely about the comfort of the girl, but the pleasure of the boy. and He had me positioned exactly to allow his Cock the perfect angle of penetration, and himself the perfect posture to effortlessly thrust himself in and out of me without tiring himself too quickly. this was going to be a long sesson. He rubbed his Cockhead against my backside until he found my pussy hole, then he slid it in.
but something was wrong! this was not the first time his Cock had penetrated me today, but this time it hurt! and i felt a searing pain as He slid it deeper inside of me. i knew that after all we'd been through today, i couldn't back out again, but i had to grab a pillow to scream into as his Cock burned on its way into me and burned on the way out with ever stroke.
i didn't figure it out until much later, but when i douched out my hole earlier, it had washed away all the lube and my Master hadn't put any more in me or on his self, so i was being dry fucked with an unlubricated Cock for the first time.
He started to get into a rhythm and i was openly sobbing and groaning at the excruciating fiery fucking i was enduring, but i was determined to be a good girl and just take it. but when He kicked it into high gear i let out a scream and just started hyperventilating.
i prayed that He would cum soon because the searing sensation was rapidly becoming intolerable and i didn't know how long i could take it. but i knew that i had to take it, no matter what, to prove that i was worthy of being fucked just like this. and then it got worse. the painful ass ripping had become so bad that it triggered an instinctive response to run to the bathroom. you know that feeling when your body says You are going to vomit right now! or pee. or evacuate your bowels.
i tried to tell myself this was probably just a mirage that every bottom feels when they are being fucked for the first time and i would eventually learn to ignore it. but there was simply no ignoring this, as hard as i tried, and eventually something snapped and my survival instinct kicked in and overrode my need to obey my Master. i had to get to the bathroom NOW. i gasped "i can't!" and tried to get up.
but my Master just put his fist in the small of my back and shoved me back down on the bed. "i can't! i can't! i can't!" i panted over and over as my Dom grabbed me by the waist and started slamming himself home. He was building to a climax and i was screaming in the most excruciating pain.
and that's how i took my first load.
the pain diminished the instant my Master took his cock out of me. and i just say there exhausted. face down, ass in the air. feeling the cool air brush against my gaping hole.
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Posted:Jun 3, 2023 12:32 am
Last Updated:Jun 5, 2023 10:58 pm 5503 Views
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my first time with a guy did not have a happy ending. as i lay there in his arms exhausted from riding his cock for an hour and thinking about how much my life was about to change, i realized that the one thing that would make my first time perfect was if he got some rest and fucked me again first thing in the morning so that i could say i had taken loads in both holes in the same night. but he was weirdly hesitant when i told him my desire and when i asked if something was wrong he told me that he was poz.
i exploded. i couldn't believe he hadn't told me. i couldn't believe he had fucked me without a condom. even though that was probably my fault. and i couldn't believe he let me keep riding him and sucking him for an hour until he came in my mouth and i swallowed it. i drove him back to the club where we met and i never saw him again.
and then i went to the emergency room to find out if there was anything that could be done to reduce my risk of infection. they prescribed some medicines that were used to treat accidental needle sticks and told me that it was too early for a test to give an accurate result. but the best hope was the fact that i had swallowed the semen because the stomach is not a hospitable environment for the virus
over the next few weeks i got tested several times. i believe very strongly in safe sex and i was mad at myself for being so stupid. all of my tests came back negative and it looked like i might have gotten lucky. but i was terrified of the possibility of false negatives or the risk of infecting somebody else. so i did some research to find the maximum time period that the virus could possibly cause an infection and the answer seemed to be 5 years.
and just like that i was back in the closet. because no matter what my sexuality was now, i wasn't going to be having sex with anyone for at least 5 years. so there didn't seem to be any point in telling anyone what i had learned about myself.
but what i learned were three very important things. that i was definitely homosexual. not bi, not curious. that i was a total bottom and probably always had been. and that i was a no-recip bottom whose sexuality was completely focused on my partners sexual pleasure not my own.
i began reading more about Domination and submission and started to understand that i was very much a sexual submissive. and the thing that made a Man attractive to me was not his physical appearance but the degree of Dominance in his personality and his sexual needs.
since i wasn't dating anyone i spent a lot more time at home and chatting online with Men who claimed to be Dominant. when they asked me what i was wearing and the answer was usually nothing, some of them would ask me to do things to myself. i found i could get very turned on by doing the things a Man would tell me to do. we were only in a text chat, so i could have just lied and pretended to submit to the things they asked, but i discovered it was extremely erotic to actually do as i was told and put things inside me or roughty play with my nipples or taste my own semen or piss.
eventually i discovered the alt web site and started going there. i met people in the chat rooms who had more compatible interests. i learned about video chats and found that it stepped up the eroticness of my masterbatory self play to a whole new level, because, having a camera force me to verify that i was telling the truth gave the Men more Power and made the video Dominantions more intense.
one problem i had though was that a lot of guys wanted to see me cum at the end of a cam session. and i just couldn't do it most of the time. being Dominated by a Man is a huge turn on for me but it shows in my breathing and my nipples getting hard, but not in my penis which always shrinks up and goes soft and does nothing but dribble precum. basically being with a Dom emasculates me and makes me useless as a switch or a top. but after i got offline i could always masterbate myself to powerful orgasms
in one of the male chat rooms i met a very interesting Man who appeared to be a genuine Dom. He told me he liked my profile photos and was trying to decide if he should train me to be one of his bitches. He never called me anything but bitch or slut or cunt and i found that very intoxicating.
He traveled a lot and required that i be online every day and waiting in the IM at a time that was convenient for Him. He also required that i always be naked when i was in a conversation with Him, whether he could see me or not. and finally he asked if i had any toys. when i admitted that i did he required that i should always be wearing nipple clips and have my largest butt plug inside me when we chat. this was a lot to ask because He did not mean that i could wait until He came online and then quickly strip and put on clips and plug myself before saying hello. He had given me a two hour window and expected me to be there, plugged and clipped and ready to serve for the entire time, just in case He decided to go on IM.
some days He was busy and simply didn't show up and i was left sittng there feeling stretched and frustrated for the whole two hours. when i finally removed the nipple clips at the end of those session my nipples were screaming with pain and my ass was sore and puffy. other times He would show up and spend 45 minutes chatting with other bitches before He got around to me. so i spent half our time together being anxioius and jealous and the other half apologizing for not being good enough to be his first priority
the result of this constant daily readiness and intense sexual arousal was that when the IM finally did ping his greeting it was like a shot went off next to my ear. i would physically startle and my heart would race everytime he said Hello slut. it was almost painful. no Man had ever had that much Power over me physically and emotionally
many times He asked me how many other men i was fucking. the answer was always zero, but He never seemed to believe me. He also thought the reason i was on IM so much was because i was chatting with other Doms. i told him that i was very naturally monogamous and i only used IM to communicate with Him and had to spend a lot of time fending off other chat requests. to my surprise this only made Him angrier. He told me that a good sub must always be polite to Doms and that i should always answer them when they ping me and be a good girl.
this resulted in me having a lot more chats with a lot more Doms, sometimes 2 or 3 at a time while i waited for Him to show up. and when i told them that i was just waiting for my Master and what his terms and conditions were, many of them demanded to see my naked body to prove it. before long i was basically doing cam shows for two hours every night and chatting with 3 or 4 Doms at a time just to please a Man who wasn't even there, and still jumping out of my skin when He finally did show up. it was exhausting and exillerating and i had powerful orgasms every night masterbating to the ideas that were had put in my head.
my Master traveled all over the world and a couple times a year He was in my area so maybe we could meet someday, but He wanted to have training sessions with me first. He had been saying that for weeks, but unlike the other chat Doms, my Master never asked me to go on camera. so when He finally did i was super excited.
i was already naked of course with my favorite nipple clips on and my ass already plugged with a black latex butt plug. i had gotten better at angling my camera so you could see my body but not my face, and had a favorite couch that allowed me to reach my computer but still giving a full frontal view of my body, or my ass if i turned around.
a lot of guys i had cammed with just wanted to see me play with my cock, but my Master had no interest in my little clitty as he called it, He just wanted to see my pussy, which was a lot more effort because i either had to turn my ass to the camera while straining to look over my shoulder to see if my pussy was in frame, or when He made me turn around to see it from the front i had to tilt my pelvis way up and kind of lift myself off the couch so the camera had a clear shot of my hole.
He just had me take the butt plug out and then put it back in. out and back in. He liked seeing my little hole spring open and then tighten back shut when i took it out. and then watch the big back bulb press against my opening until it popped through when it went back in. he had me do that over and over while He demanded to know if i was His slut and if my pussy was His property and if He was my Master.
He kept typing "Say it!!" and that was the first time that i realized that there was audio in the IM chat and my microphone had been on the whole time. it had probably been running in every video chat i ever had. i wondered if i ever said anything i should regret.
i whimpered yes Master my pussy is Your property, and He told me to fuck it faster. i pulled the plug out of aching hole and then forced it back in over and over. and every few minutes He would make me tell Him again that i was His slut or i was His bitch and if i was ever too slow to respond He would type "Louder, cunt!" then He would make me promise that my pussy was His property, and then tell me to go faster. until eventually i was full speed fucking my pussy with the black plug.
i was no stranger to wearing a butt plug. and i had a large dildo that was shaped like a penis that i sometimes fucked myself with to masterbate. but a butt plug is designed to go in once and then stay there, that's why it has such a huge bulbous head. it wasn't meant to go in and out rapidly. so using the butt plug as a dildo was like switching from my normal dildo which was already large and very fulling to fucking myself with a dildo that was over twice as big!
i was almost in tears as i screamed please Master make me Your bitch, my pussy is Your property, please Master please fuck my pussy, until finally He said "That's enough."
i collapsed on the couch, grateful and relieved. the butt plug practically fell out of my exhausted gaping hole
He told me He was impressed. "you were going at it for 45 minutes straight, and you didn't try to touch your clitty even once." He was right. i had completely lost track of time. from the moment He pinged me hello, i never once thought about how long this was taking or how much this hurt or how hard it was to hold this position. i was simply obeying Him and begging Him to let me obey Him more.
and i was impressed too. because not once in our 45 minute session did He ask me how i felt or if i liked it or ask me to touch my clitty like some of the other Doms did. He never once asked me to scream "this feels so good" because just He didn't care. i realized this might be a perfect match. if i was lucky, maybe this would develop into something more.
and then i made a terrible mistake. i was just so exhausted and blissfully comfortable with Him at that moment that i let my guard down and admitted that i didn't need to touch myself, because i would probably have a really big orgasm when i masterbated later tonight.
my Master said "Why don't you go ahead and do that right now. That can be your reward. You have 60 seconds."
this took me completely by surprise. He had never expressed any interest in my clitty before, let alone asked me to touch myself. but i had to do it. it would be wrong to refuse my Master's reward. i grabbed my dick and started stroking, but nothing was happening. i had been completely limp to begin with and the fact that this was coming from a Dom who has just completely emasculated me didn't help. i began fingering my pussy hole to try to get something going while i frantically pumped my penis, but i was barely starting to get a semi erection when He announced that my time was up. i felt a little bit bad for failing Him, but also a little bit relieved that i didn't have to keep going. and then He said the thing that ruined me.
"you can try again next time". i sat up straight, realizing where this was going. "you are not allowed to cum until I speak to you again, do you understand that, slut?" i told him Yes Master and He left the chat. but i was wrecked. i had just been through one of the most exhausting and submissive experiences i had ever had in my life and all i wanted to do was lay in bed and masterbate myself to sleep, and i wasn't even going to be able to do that for at least 24 hours. i went to bed and thought about every second of what had just happened. but i barely slept at all that night.
what followed was the most excruciating and frustrating descent into submission, because by the time we chatted again the next day, i was horny as hell, but my Master didn't even ask me to video chat. and He didn't tell me to masterbate. i thought perhaps He had just forgotten about it, in which case i was off the hook. there's no need to keep a promise that the other person doesn't even remember you made. but He didn't forget, because He ended our chat that day with, "Remember slut, you are my property. You may not cum without my permission."
over the next several days, every time we chatted, He started each conversation by asking if i had remained abstinent and ended it by reminding me that He had not released me from my chastity.
i had learned long ago that remaining celibate for too long just made me hornier and hornier and turned my fantasies more and more kinky and homoerotic. but what i didn't realize until now was that the hornier i got the more submissive i became as well. the longer He forbid me from sexual release the more desperate it made me to be a good submissive and submit to every one of His instructions, including the command to refrain from doing the one thing that would set me free.
and because i was horny 24 hours a day now, it wasn't just 2 hours a night that I would obsess about him. it was almost all day every day.
in one of our chats He mentioned that He liked his bitches smooth so i got a bunch of razors and a big bottle of nair and spent an afternoon making myself hairless. then every day after that i had to spend time in the shower making sure nothing had grown back.
He said He liked his bitches to wear lingerie so i spent long afternoons shopping in the women's section for items that came in my size.
my Master rarely needed to video chat, but that didn't stop all the other Doms i was having polite conversations with, and once they found out how i had performed for my Master they all wanted some of that too. before long i was doing group cam shows and taking requests for 2 hours a night just to prove to myself that i would never refuse to obey my Master's commands. the only requests i declined were suggestions that i play with my penis, because i didn't want to accidentally become aroused and make myself cum. but that just made them want to work my ass even harder.
about a month and a half later, my Master finally demanded another training session. He was very pleased with my clean shaven appearance. i had not told Him that i had done it. and He once again instructed me very clearly that i was not to cum until He saw me. puzzled i asked what He meant by "until He sees me." He responded that he had decided to use me and He wanted me as horny as possible until then.
i had never heard the word "use" in that way before, and even though i had no idea what it meant exactly, i instantly felt an overwhelming rush of lust and i let out an audible gasp. it was like my body knew what it meant even if i didn't.
i came to learn that "use" was the word my Master almost always said instead of "fuck" and it really hit home with me in a big way, because i had never been completely comfortable talking about making love to a Man or having sex with a Man because it sounds like the action of two people in love, people who might be equals or at least partners. the word "fuck" was a little better because it was rougher and ruder, but it still had erotic or romantic associations to it.
but to have a Man "use" me was exactly what i had wanted my whole life. to have no suggestion that this would benefit me or give me pleasure or satisfaction in any way. the Power and the Pleasure was one hundred percent in the Dom's hands. the sub was simply there for His convenience. to serve His needs. to be "used" and expect nothing in return except the faint hope that if i pleased him well He might use me again
i also realized that this meant He had decided to finally meet me in person. which seemed like fate to me because it had been just over 5 years since the last disastrous time i had sex. and i had found a Man who seemed perfect to me in almost every way.
i promised Him that i would remain chaste until i saw Him in person. i wanted to be just as desperately horny for Him, as He wanted me to be for Him. and then i made the mistake of asking if, after He used me, would He reward me by letting me cum?
There was a long silence before He said, "Probably not. I kind of like you this way. I might keep you like this forever."
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